St. Peter

November 25, 1997

Carolyn:

The Blessed Mother is dressed in pale blue. She is wearing a white veil with gold along the edges, and it falls around her and comes around her arms. She is kneeling. Her face is turned down toward her arms and she is smiling. At first, she had a lamb in her arms, a white lamb. Now it is a child, but I didn’t notice it change.

St. Peter is with her. He is dressed in brown, and he too is kneeling. He looks older than the Blessed Mother. He has dark hair that is graying in some areas. He has a beard and a mustache. His eyes are dark brown, and he is looking toward the Blessed Mother. He has a book in his right hand that is closed. In the other, he is holding something like a menorah. There are seven torches on it, and each is lit, and they come to a common base. On each of them there is a word written: Faith, Hope, Love, Charity, Sacrifice, Martyrdom, Courage.)

Mary:

My dear children, it is good to be with you. I have called each of you here tonight because you are to be the recipients of this special grace from the Father. It is for His love of you that this is made possible, and it is for my love of you that I have made this request. My little children, I wish to teach you that God is so very near. I wish to show you His kingdom is without measure, that His goodness is beyond comprehension, and above all, His love for you is as vast as the sea. My children, I am so pleased that you have come today in faith, and I wish for you to receive this great blessing and this gift.

St. Peter:

Glory to the Son of Man, to the One who sits on high, to Him Who is all things, Who always was and ever shall be! His kingdom is without end. Brothers and sisters, brothers, sisters, I love you. Glorify the Lord in your hearts. Pay homage to His mother, Queen of the Heavens. Join your voices to the voices of the Angels, saying “Hosanna” and “Alleluia”.

I wish to tell you about the Christ as He was on earth, for I was His brother. I ate with Him. I slept by His side. I saw His labors of His love. I witnessed His mercy. I experienced His goodness. I was there at His betrayal and ultimately, it was I with my brother, who discovered His tomb empty on that morn, and it was I who gazed upon the risen Lord, the fulfillment of all things, of all prophecy, from age to age, from beginning to end. Let me share with you my words, words from one who witnessed all this, from one who now shares in His glory, the glory of the Father, Son, and the Spirit united, perfect in all things and in all ways.

I am nothing without Christ. You know well of me. I was a fisherman, poor, hardworking, and lacking God in all ways. Yes, I was a Jew and I, in the synagogue, followed the Law. I knew nothing of God, He was not with me. I turned my face from Him as I would do after His betrayal three times. For most of my life, I wanted nothing of God, not His goodness, not His mercy, not His love. I had a family as you do. I had children and a wife, parents who loved me and taught me the ways of the Jewish Law. And my pride was my great weakness and oh, stubborn days did I see, but He changed all that! From the moment my eyes encountered His gaze, He changed me. He changed my heart. I was nothing before Him. I am nothing without Him.

What a sight it is to see the Son of Man standing, beckoning to you, for in my heart, I wanted nothing to do with God and yet, from the first time my eyes fell upon His face, I confess that I knew who He was. And be sure, it would have been better for me if I had not known, for I knew when I betrayed Him Who He was. And I chose to walk with Him, and to cast away my life to follow Him. You should have seen the things that were said about me, the way people looked at me. I was no stranger to persecution, and often I knew not why I followed Him, save for the way He looked at me, with such compassion and such understanding. He filled my soul!

And so, I left all things and I followed Him, and He became my master. I with my brothers, we ate with Him, drank with Him. We preached with Him. We learned. We taught with Him. So many things did He do! How many people did He touch! It is countless. I could not number them. How many of the sick He cured! His greatest miracles were the changes in the hearts of all those who knew Him. There would be none who would deny He was the Son of Man, were they to open their eyes and ears and hear His words.

The time I spent with Him was so joyous, and so sorrowful. There was much confusion, and oftentimes, I felt as if I should run, run far from Him, from all this, this life of traveling, of preaching, of trusting in One Who seemed to be no more than a simple man with great love in His heart, save for that mercy! I wish you could have been there. I wish you were able to see. You too would have followed, for you follow Him now and it is much more to your credit, for you have not seen nor heard His words.

The night that He was betrayed, there would be none other so dark for all time. Even then, all those who had pledged their lives to Him, deserted Him. What a frightening time it was for me! I had no courage then, and I fled. And after, when morning came, it was not over, for it got worse. The One Whom I had followed, Who I had given everything for, my Master, was beaten, was judged, was made to walk with a tree on His back, and was hung on that tree, where He remained three hours before He died.

Faith, faith, faith could do nothing for me then. My Master had been killed. For what did I give my life? We all, all of Jesus’ brothers, we knew not what to do. And there were a few who had hope, but I confess, it was not I. I worried much more for my own life. Those were dark days without Him. And even after I, setting foot in His tomb, saw that He was not there, still my heart was hard. But on that day, when He in His glory came and was once again with us, when He showed us the wounds in His hands and in His side, when He shined like the stars of the night and had the countenance of a lion, with strength and courage, beauty so regal, it was then that my heart was pierced! What a splendid sight! What a splendid thing! Oh, and I was so afraid, and yet so peaceful. And He spoke! “Brothers, God be with you. I have been glorified!” I have been glorified! With these words, I felt God in my life! And even though He had been with me all along, it was not until then that I felt Him with my heart, with my soul, piercing me with His love! Then He departed from us, and He sent the Spirit to come among us to give us the strength and courage to teach all nations of His love, His sacrifice.

There is much you have not been told of His works and His miracles, for it would not be possible to make a list of all His doings, and there is much you have not been told of my life as well. Did you know that I am a coward, except for God’s Spirit who dwells within me? Did you know that I am afraid, except for His boldness? Did you know we are nothing without Him, and all good works you do are possible only in Him? Now, I share in His goodness with His glory in His kingdom, as it is and always will be, and I have the great gift of looking upon His face each day, that face which I once saw mangled with tears and blood, now glorified. I shall pray for you each day, that you would join Him here.

Life, life is not as you know it, for it is but a blink of the eyes of God. You have not yet begun to live! My life was full of cowardice, and there was but one thing that I did for my Christ that gives me great pride: I gave up my life for Him as He had done for me. Oh, and I was so pleased at that moment, knowing that my sacrifice would never amount to His, but knowing too that I would soon be home to Him. Be blessed and be praised, God, forever!

Look forward with great anticipation to the life you will share with Him. Know that you will meet Him in that heavenly home. He will open His arms to you and embrace you as He embraced me, as He embraces all. May His love guide you. May the Holy Spirit descend upon you. May He give you all that you need, that you may be His instrument and, like me, may join Him in Heaven.

Give thanks to Him for allowing me to be with you this day. I will pray for you. Know that God is so close to you, as He was close to me those years, and I failed to recognize Him. Do not fail to recognize Him in your life. He is there. He is waiting for you to want Him, to love Him, to accept Him, to remember Him. May His peace follow you all the days of your life.

Mary:

My children, I impart to you my motherly blessing. I wish to remind you of my love for you. I thank you for coming together in prayer, for prayer is most important. Wherever my faithful are gathered, I and my Son are among them.

St. Joseph

December 23, 1997

Carolyn:

Mary is wearing a slate blue dress and a blue veil. There is a man with her. I saw Mary first and then suddenly, Joseph was there. He genuflected before her, and she reached her hands out to him. He is now standing next to her and is holding both of her hands.

St. Joseph is tall and older looking. He has a long face and dark brown eyes. He has a bushy beard that stands out quite far, and black and silver hair. There is a white sash around the back of his neck, and it comes over his head and the ends fall to just below his waist. It looks knitted. It is not a solid fabric and there is tasseling on the bottom of it. Joseph also has a gray cloak with sleeves over his shoulders. It doesn’t come around to the front of him, but hangs straight down like an open robe.

Mary has moved back her veil and she has a baby in her arms. She and Joseph are both looking down at the child. The baby has a bald head, is very beautiful, and shines just like Mary does.

Mary:

My dear children, today I bring to you my spouse, he who brought me much joy while on earth and who is still a great joy and comfort to me in Heaven. Dear children, I wish for you to know him as you know me, for his love for you is great, and he is a great warrior of prayer and an intercessor on your behalf.

St. Joseph:

Brothers, sisters, I present to you the Son of God, given to my wife and to me, that we would care for Him and raise Him up to be great, to give glory to God. Be joyous, as this is the season of His birth, the season of the coming of the Lord, of His promise and the fulfillment of that promise, that promise made ages ago to our fathers. Be full of life, more alive than ever, as He is life and the love which you feel, as He is the greatest gift, the only gift. Bless and praise God for allowing me to be with you this day.

Sisters and brothers, I love and pray for you. You are truly sisters and brothers of mine in the family of God, in the Christ, He Who came to save even those to whom God had given Him, His mother and I. What an awesome responsibility! What an honor! I, myself, was not worthy. In that season and in that day, Mary, being with child, so joyous, so beautiful, and I so nervous, eagerly anticipating the birth of my Son; though He was not of my seed, God blessed me with His life to raise as mine. And traveling with her to the city of my fathers and of her kin, I worried so! Why had God chosen me? Why had God asked this of me? What fears!

On that night, the night of His birth, the stars shone so brightly, and the sky danced with angels that I and His mother were privileged to see. And as she held Him, such light, such wondrous light! And she and I gazed upon Him, our Son, the Savior, the promised King of Ages, and could not speak, and could not move, and could not breathe, for He was so beautiful and so perfect! And then I, knowing the prophesies, that which God had given to us, His people, cried. For it is written that the Son of Man would come to suffer, to be mocked and to be ridiculed, and that in His suffering, man would be redeemed. Knowing this, I still felt such joy as only a parent can, as he looks upon the life that God has given, even if it be for a short while, to raise, to love, to teach, to hold.

And I took my wife and my Son home and into my house. And as He grew, I taught Him many things. I taught Him the Law of our Fathers and the Jewish way, and I took Him to the synagogue where He was introduced to His true Father. And I taught Him the Scriptures, the words of the prophets, those words that were fulfilled as I stood on that crystal night and watched His miraculous birth. And I taught Him my trade and He was schooled, as all the young Jewish boys were at that time, and had many friends. And at the time, there would be no indication that He was the King of Ages, save for the knowledge in His mother’s and my hearts. It was easy to forget. I would go about my business and she with hers, kept busy with all the responsibilities that parenting requires, and it was easy to forget that the Lord was in our home. Oftentimes, we looked upon our Son and when the realization touched our hearts that we were seeing God in our form, it was overwhelming!

It is not different for you. You, each of you, have had such an experience as you kneel before the Holy Eucharist. For as I forgot, so too do you, as all people will. As I carried on with my daily business, I forgot that I was in the presence of the Lord. There are so many who forget, as they enter their churches and go to worship and to pray, that they are in the presence of the Lord in His spirit and in His body as He is sacrificed upon your altars. It is no different for you than it was for I, and you and I are blessed! My Jesus, such a sweet child! Such a wondrous child! And He grew. And it was difficult.

And then came the time of my passing and I left this world, and I joined the Heavenly Father. What a joy, what an honor to be in Heaven with God, to know all that He knows, to see all creation from the beginning to the end! And it was only then that I could see the complete fulfilment of the promise given to God’s people through my Son, and the ferocious beating of my heart ceased, for there were times when it raced as I thought of what must happen, of what would happen. He was so precious to us and the thought of His suffering, it broke our hearts. And yet, when I joined our Father, I saw the glory that was my Son, the glory that He gave to the Father in the redemption of all people, and I was so proud.

I did my best to raise Him to love God and to know God. And He, being divine, knew so much more than I, and yet, He was so obedient, for even in the Scriptures as you have them it is written of His loss in the temple. And you know how His mother and I worried, and how we sought Him out, and even though He did His Father’s work there, at His mother’s request and mine, He left to journey home with us, obedient. Unfathomable, that God would obey His creature!

The fullness of this lesson did not fill my heart until my passing from this earth, for in Christ, we were shown the way to live, to love, to die, and to glorify God. And in His obedience, we were taught the greatest lesson. Though we do not understand why it is that God does what He does, and in His time, we must obey, for He is a loving Father. And as Jesus obeyed me and learned- though He knew so much greater things than I- from me, a simple man, a tradesman, we must do the same, trusting that God knows what we cannot know, that the Father will reveal to us the truth in His time, and in His way. The greatest lesson of Jesus was His obedience, even until the time of His passion. “Take this cup from me”, He prayed, full of fear and yet, He obeyed His Father.

Obedience. Trust. These things are great, but greater than these is love. Jesus Christ was the mark of God’s love on this earth. He was the proof of His love, the fulfilment of His love, the root and the ends of His love, the beginning and end, the everything. Jesus, He taught His mother and I much of love. Oh, love through obedience, through submission to God’s will, through giving of oneself! How difficult it was for I, to live in a home with the Son of God and the Virgin Mother chosen by God and free of sin! You might know well that anything that occurred in our home that caused division and strife, well, it was certainly not the fault of my Son nor my wife! But what joy! And what great things that God had done for me!

The love of a family is the greatest of love. The love that exists between husband and wife, parent and child, sister and brother, this is the model of God’s love, and it is love as God truly intended it to be. Cherish one another, especially in these days, in this season. Your children, they are gifts, the greatest gifts to enter your lives, blessings to be cherished, treasured. Your spouses, gifts! Reflections of God. Reflections of His love. And this is why it is so important to free yourselves from pride, from anger, from jealousy, greed. These things are not of God and not part of His love, but it is only through the freedom that truth, generosity, peace, and joy bring, that you can experience God in your lives through those who love you, whom you love.

I am full of joy in this season, as now in my Father’s kingdom, in our Father’s kingdom, I can behold my baby Son once again, that gift that God gave to me, that responsibility, that treasure that He entrusted me with. With Mary His mother, the Queen of Heaven, and the Angels, I too will sing praises to Him and celebrate the coming of the Christ to the earth. He is the Redeemer of All, and the Bringer of Peace, King of Kings, and the Lamb. Worship and adore Him in your lives, in your churches, through your family. Know that He is with you, as He promised His first disciples, each day. I thank you for inviting me to speak with you this day.

Mary:

Dear children, may the Christ bless you this day and always, being ever at your side, close behind and walking before, as I your mother am, with my love, my guidance, and my intercession.

St. Paul

February 1, 1998

Carolyn:

Mary is dressed in slate gray with a long white veil. She has her hands folded in prayer. She is accompanied by two angels. The Angels are beside her and hover off the ground just a bit. One is dressed in gold and the other in green. She is also accompanied by St. Paul.

St. Paul is wearing a brown smock that comes down the front of him and sandals on his feet. He has short, sandy blond hair. He has a mustache and a beard that are also sandy blond. St. Paul has a medium build, and appears to be middle aged. In one hand there is a gray tablet. In the other there is a shield, the kind used for a coat of arms, and it has FAITH written across it. St. Paul genuflects before the Blessed Mother. She is still in prayer.

Mary:

Dear children, I am with you joyfully this day! I bring to you the Evangelizer, one who answered the call of my Son, who gave to all nations the gift of faith. He was a forebearer of you, one of the first disciples in many. I offer to you my motherly blessing. I pray for each one of you. I take your needs and your petitions to my Son.

St. Paul:

Brothers, sisters, I come to you bearing the peace of Christ, He who sent me. You are followers of Him, as I was and am, and now I have the privilege of serving Him in our heavenly home. Sisters and brothers, let me tell you, God asked me to go out to preach His Word, to teach. But as you well know, I was not always His servant, nor His friend, nor His disciple, but once I was His persecutor, His executioner. For it was my practice to travel from city to city, in Damascus and beyond, and bring suffering and torture to those who followed the Way. I was quite proud. What a service I was doing to my Jewish forefathers by destroying the lives of these who followed this newfangled religion, this cult, if you would. Imagine, exclaiming that the Messiah had come to this earth as a babe in a stable! It was an insult to all I had known and all I had been taught. And so, I went about my business, and was careful to report to the leaders of the synagogues about the tortures and the executions I had overseen. And I myself was responsible for the very martyrdom of Stephen, whom you venerate.

I did not have the gift of visiting with our Lord in His body as did His apostles, Peter, James, those who were near to Him, His beloved. But I was graced and blessed when one day on my travels, He came to me. His words shook my heart like thunder! The very earth could have swallowed me up in such light and such beauty! And at that moment, I wanted nothing more than to hide my face in shame for what I had done, what I had allowed and condoned, the terror that I had brought to the lives of those who proclaimed the truth. I was not worthy to be in His presence. And He forgave me, and He sent me on with a mission.

It is the same now. There are many in the world today who sin and fall away from God, who have causes that are not the true cause of God, the cause of love, Christian charity, truth. And as I did see the truth, so too will all people one day see the truth, the Lamb who was led to the slaughter. And like me, they too will see their souls and feel the quaking of their hearts when they see how they have offended God. And like me, perhaps the most wretched of sinners, these too shall be forgiven and given the grace to go out, to love, to serve, to be an example of Christ.

It is such joyful, joyful news! For it is easy to become dismayed at the evils that inflict terrible suffering on this world, but fear not, and have joy! Maintain your love, your relationship with God. He does not abandon even the most wretched. He lifts up those who are lost. He comes to save the weak. I offer to you this as encouragement for days that are difficult. Know that He will lift you up as He lifted up His most lowly servants, and the most wretched of sinners.

On that day, my life became much different. Stricken and unable to see, I wallowed in my own pain, the pain of my soul. How is it that I had failed God? I was zealous for God! I thought that I knew what God wanted from me. In my own imaginings, I had decided what God wanted, and I had gone off on my own crusade in the name of God. This is not what He required of me. This is what my will had created and had decided that it was true. Everything I knew was turned upside down.

I changed my life on that day, and I was most privileged to come to know many of the good people who belonged to the Way, the Christian faith. At first, I was not accepted. “This is Saul, the persecutor! This is the one who killed our children and our fathers, and he, he should come to be a Christian?” Truly I tell you, there were many who did not believe that I had been converted in the heart. “This must be a trick, sorcery!” And yet, there were others who fell to their knees proclaiming, “God is alive, for what a miracle! He was the most wretched, and even he now calls Jesus, Lord.”

I befriended a man who loved the Lord, who was the dearest, dearest friend to the Lord, His brother John, and he taught me Christian love and charity. He taught me the truth that God loves us, the God of my zealousness, of the old ways of the Pharisees, the God of justice, of anger, of punishment. What a terrible, terrible, terrible, limit to place on the O Holy One! He is a God of love, and of mercy, and of justice, and of goodness, and peace. And so, I came to know Christ as my Lord.

Led by the Spirit, I went out to proclaim these truths that had been revealed to me in a miraculous and wonderful way. And I shared with all peoples, traveling much, one truth. In all that I shared, in all of the Gospels, in all of the writings, in all of your Bible, there is but one truth: Jesus is Lord. He loves you. He died that you might be free, and He welcomes you. He wants you. He desires you. You are the children of God. You are the promised nation, the descendants of Abraham, they who would receive the Messiah. Blessed are you who believe! Blessed are you who have faith! It took a miracle for me to see God as He is. You have faith though you have not seen. You, truly, will be glorified much more than I in our Father’s house.

In all of my travels, and in my journeys, and in the difficulties, I faced those who would mock me, both those in the Jewish community and those who belonged to the Way. In imprisonment and in freedom, I tried always, always, to say but one sentence each day, in each situation, for it was all that needed to be said: “Jesus, I give this to you.” What a powerful, powerful, statement that was in my life! “Jesus, I give this to you.” You trust that when you call upon the name of Jesus, He is with you, and it is so, and He receives your prayer and the gift that one little child would give, in every suffering and in every joy, is taken up into His arms, and becomes a great joy to Him.

And so, I encourage you in your times of struggle and strife: “Jesus, I give all this to you.” Do not forget this. You will know great peace, if only you allow Him to work in you, to do His will through you. I did nothing in my years as a missionary. I simply allowed God to work through me and to do His will, what truly was His will, not what I thought He had willed for me, not what my friends told me He willed for me, not even what my closest loved ones told me He willed for me to do, but what He wanted, desired, needed, and asked of me.

All people are capable of knowing this. It is as simple as listening to the silence, the silence of your heart. For there, the secrets, the truths, the Word of God, is revealed. All people are capable of knowing His will, and if only you would give up your lives to it, you would find a peace, and a grace, and a mercy, that is greater than all things on earth, and is worth forsaking your very life for it.

I recall on one of my journeys, I was traveling with my companions, and I came into a city where I was known as a persecutor. I had visited that city many times to drag away the Christians there in chains. And I and my companions, we preached there, and there were many conversions by the grace of God, but there was nothing more influential in the entire course of my life than one conversation with one man that I met in this city.

Even after my conversion, I was a proud man and I struggled for my entire life against this pride. And one day while preaching, I cited the writings that a dear, dear friend of mine had kept in his journal about his relationship with God and with the Christ. He had written, “I dearly wish that my beloved children would know Christ as I know Him, would accept Him as the Messiah, in that they too would be saved. However, I trust that they will be saved because I believe and I know that Christ saves all, and He came to save those who know Him and who are distant, those who are far and who are near, the Jews and the Gentiles, all people, as He is King of Heaven and Earth for all time, for all people.” And I used this for the basis of my sermon that day and I spoke about Jesus as the King and the Messiah that had been promised. And I cited well from the old scriptures, Isaiah, Jeremiah, these books that I had come to know as a scholar, and the beloved Torah, the Law, the Word, what I had known as a child to be the truth. And how proud of myself I was. “Truly,” I thought, “many people will be converted because of me.”

And then I met this man. He approached me after I had finished this sermon, and he looked into my eyes. And he spoke to me,

“Paul, what do you desire?”

“Well… my Lord!”, I replied.

“Paul, what do you desire?”

“My Lord! My Christ!”

“Paul, what do you desire?”

And he turned, and he was gone. And I thought, “How foolish! The ramblings of an old man!” Of course, I desired my Christ!

And then, I realized, that I had not. In my pride and in my arrogance, I had designed a situation where I would be glorified, where all who would look to me as their teacher would say, “He is good. He is a follower. Certainly, he will be in Heaven!” Again, even after accepting my weaknesses, I had fallen prey to the very thing that had kept me from knowing Jesus to begin with, the pride of self-glorification and righteousness!

And I thought long and hard that day, and I believe that this is a good lesson for you, for the world as it is now. For as I see it, there are three kinds of people who follow Christ. One follows Christ with all of his heart, all of his soul, all of his mind, and gives up all things for the Beloved, for He who gave up His very life for him. And I believe that these are those who are most holy and most virtuous. The second preaches well as I did, speaks of his love for Christ, worships Christ, but alas, it is a show. For the truly devoted are humble and meek of heart and seek not glory for themselves, but the glory and graces of God. And then there is a third, those who proclaim their Christianity, their faith, but God slips away from them, for they have not the time to pray nor the time to worship. They haven’t the time to think of God or matters of faith and the spiritual life, for there is so many things to do, a family, a job, a home to care for. Where is God?

“Paul, what do you desire?”

And so, I ask you, what do you desire? These words that meant so much to me in my life, made me realize that twice, twice- not once, I had not the mind to serve God. What do you desire?

I hope that my words are an encouragement to you. I wish only to tell you of His goodness, and His mercy, and His love, and above all else, His forgiveness. What do you desire in your lives? May it be Christ Jesus! May it be the Messiah. May it be the peace of God, the very heart of God. For in this way, you shall be fulfilled. You will know His grace and His love in a way that you cannot imagine, and the cares of your life will melt away, as you look forward to joining Him in the place He has prepared for you, and the struggles that you endure will be but joys, the thorns of a rose lifted up high to our crucified Lord. I assure you, there is no suffering too great for the precious treasure of Heaven! There is nothing that you could endure that is too terrible or too frightening for that reward! God calls each of us to a different mission. Whatever He calls you to do, whatever He asks of you, do it with love and with gratitude, for your reward is more precious than you can imagine.

Do all that you can for the Lord that you might join Him, and your brothers and sisters in the Church, in Heaven. It is a most, most beautiful place, a place of love and of goodness, of unending joy! And there you will come to know the Lord as He truly is, more beautiful than any of His creations, more holy than any imaginings. There are no words I can offer to you to describe the true Lord. You know but a piece. How Christ must have hidden His glory! The very thought of Him existing on this earth as a Man-God, it baffles me! For He is so glorified in Heaven, I cannot lift my eyes to look upon His face! Do all that you can to serve Him. Do all that you can to join me here. Remember, you will be forgiven when you fall and loved unconditionally, and no price is too great for the pearl, the jewel, the treasure that God has in store for you.

I thank you for listening to me this day and it is my pleasure and my joy to be with you in this way. Give thanks to God, for He has allowed this. He has made this possible through His holy mother, who is our intercessor, who is our mother, who loves us dearly. I give to you my prayers and my aid as your Christian brother. Know that I pray for you, and I will recommend you to the Father as brothers and sisters of Christ.

St. Clement

February 17, 1998

Carolyn:

The Blessed Mother is dressed in white with a pale colored veil that is somewhat transparent. I can see her hair through it. She has her hands turned up toward Heaven and she is standing along the side of an altar. The altar has a shimmering gold cloth over it and on the front of the cloth there is a cross.

St. Clement is standing in front of the altar. He is older. He has white hair and a white beard, a long white beard, and he is dressed in a black robe. He is holding a tablet in his arm, close to his chest. It has “Father, Son, and Spirit” written on it.

Mary:

My dear children, I am so pleased to be with you. I am overjoyed at your response to my call. I have come as your mother, with love, to bear the gifts of the Father to you, that you would know His mercy and His grace, that you would know His infinite goodness and His love for you. He has allowed this wonderful grace because He wishes for you all good things. He wishes for you to know how dear you are to His heart, that He would give all things to you, to the very life of His Son.

I am overjoyed and filled with happiness that you have responded wholeheartedly to my call to prayer, to peace, to conversion! Seek the road of conversion every day in your lives. Walk nearer to my Son. As your mother, I wish only to bring to you His peace, His joy, the life that is Him, the life which He promises to each of you. I wish to share with you the hope of Heaven, of the place that our Father has prepared for you, the joy and the love through this grace that He has allowed.

I have brought many to you thus far and you have opened your arms and your hearts and your ears to hear their words, their words that are an echo of the Gospel given to you, the words of my Son, the words of God, the message of love, the message of forgiveness, the message of peace. Today, I bring to you another, he who suffered and struggled for the sake of the infant Church that Christ had established. He now shares in the glory of Christ, as you who persevere shall. You are the faithful Church.

I am most pleased to share with you this grace, this gift. You are my beloved children. I am with you always, ever near to your hearts, walking beside you. The Lord has permitted me to come among you, that you would not be left to the wolves, but cloaked in my mantle of grace and of love, of motherly comfort and consolation.

St. Clement:

People of God, praise His name! May the Lord have mercy on us. May Christ grant us peace. May the Lord lift us up. Brothers and sisters of the Church, you who are faithful, you who are the Body, the very heart of Christ, it is good to be with you.

You are so pleasing to God in your actions and in your faith and in the homage that you give to His mother. She is so exalted in Heaven! You cannot know how glorified we, the Church, is in Heaven. For when Christ established His church, He designed it for perfect glory, perfect purity, that it would be the Rock. Indestructible. Untarnished. Unending. That although the forces of Hell would thrust themselves upon it, it should not be broken nor marred, but kept pristine and holy. Our dear mother reflects this holiness and this purity, the immaculate, the very immaculate will of the Father. And so, we who join Him in Heaven, reflect His will. It is for you to strive toward this goal of perfection in the soul through action and faith.

Church of God, your lives are lived in a time of persecution much like the time when I was upon this earth. For in my day, those who followed the Christ were made to suffer atrocious, horrific crimes committed against God’s faithful. Many gave up their very lives, as the Christ Himself gave His life for us. In my day, the Church was at its beginnings. The great teachers, the great evangelizers, Paul, James, Peter, they had taught to all nations, to Jews and to Gentiles, traveling, preaching, leaving behind the Church of God in Corinth, Laodicea, Smyrna, Philadelphia. All these places, I traveled to.

As a young man, I went among these early churches and I watched as the Holy Spirit came to all nations, just as He descended on those first apostles on Pentecost and inspired them. These little churches- so persecuted, so fought against by the legions of the Evil One- grew, spread, became alive in the Spirit, nurtured as seeds beneath the snow. And so, these little churches, communities of faithful, were brought up. Oh, the task of those first evangelizers, to keep the faith of these people alive! I recall my travels to Corinth. What a difficult church it was to establish! For the people there were trapped, trapped in their ways of sinfulness, in sins of the flesh, in eating and in drinking, and enjoying all things, but not God or His will. This was perhaps the most difficult church, and it caused my friends, the Evangelists, much grief. But through the grace of God, it persevered.

The age of Peter was over. A kind man he was, a good man, truly devoted to the Christ, a pillar of faith. And then it was my turn to take from him the staff of faith, as those before me had, and I watched over the flock, these churches so scattered. In my day, the law was “death to the Christians.” These churches, so unstable as they were, began to fall, suffered. They laid in a state of disarray, and truly I say to you that without the Spirit, none of you would know Christ this day, for no church, no community, would have survived those days.

But because of the grace of God and the gift He gave to us in the Holy Spirit, these scattered churches began to unite under the persecutions. And though threatened with death, they emerged from their hiding places. And this was my task, to unite these communities, to make one, holy, church. How vulnerable this early church was! Many false teachers passed, many false beliefs. Idolatry was rampant. People fell into their old ways, as they so often have the habit of doing. The zeal for God was gone among much of His people. What was I to do? How could I unite these people who suffered so much under the heavy hand of opposition?

Faith in God, trust in God, is a powerful example to those who wish to suppress you. And this is the route that I chose, faith, unshakable faith, with good works and with the firm belief that God would guide us, as He had watched over and guided those who traveled in the Sinai for so very long, our forefathers. As He had told Abraham, as He had spoken to Moses His Law, I trusted that He would guide us, this new church, the Church of His new covenant. And through the example of many faithful, these churches were strengthened, and so many gave up their lives, that they would be a powerful example to the authority that opposed us.

It is not much different in your day. Once again, the Church is in a time of darkness, a time of opposition. There are many forces that wish to tear apart the unbreakable Church- materialism, communism, egoism. There is no room for God there, but faith, love, and hope open the door to God, and to His mercy and forgiveness. You too suffer under the persecutions, as your early forefathers did, and it is the same now for all of you as it was for those early churches that felt so very isolated, and so very alone, and so very abandoned. You gather together in groups and into communities, and how often do you feel as though you are alone, fighting against all of the world? I tell you, this is not so!

You are confined to the human state. In your humanity, you seek to praise God with your voices, your eyes, your ears, your hearts, and your very souls, but there is much that you do not know! Do you know that all of the Angels of God stand with you? Myriads! Do you know that we, the faithful who have passed before you, stand with you? Do you know that the Church of God, the unbreakable rock, far outnumbers those who wish to suppress and poison it? You must never feel alone, for it is not the case. Do you know that the very mother of God is with you, among you, and that God Himself- all power, all glory, and all mercy, is among you? How, my brothers and sisters, could you ever be alone? Nor are you isolated, but connected to your sister and brother communities on this earth, those who know Christ and who are in Christ as you are, to the church past, to the church to come. God is not restricted by time nor space. Language is no barrier for God. His family transcends time, transcends humanity itself.

For me, as the leader of the church, I suffered much, just as the vicar of Christ here on earth now suffers. Pray for him. Pray for all whom Mary, the Virgin Mother of Christ, has called, and Christ Himself has called, to the holy priesthood. These are your generals, your commanders in the army of God. Yes, in His very army! And how should an army of God behave? Truly, what is the army of God? Certainly, it is not an army as you would know it. No guns, no fighting, no violence would be here. I tell you to arm yourselves with prayer. Arm yourselves with hope. Shield yourselves with forgiveness. Ride upon mercy and go honorably into battle against evil with humility. It is only in this way that the Church can triumph. It is only in this way the Church will be what God has intended. Glorified! Powerful! Indestructible!

My life was so small, so very meaningless, and yet to God, I was everything. For when I met Him, He embraced me with such a love that I could imagine that His Son died for me alone! Many have come to His kingdom since, and I have seen that He shares this love for each and every one. A great mystery it is, that for each person He would have given the whole of Himself and yet, His death and His resurrection were enough to save all. You must always be certain that His love for you is greater than any suffering that you might endure, or any persecution. It is greater than death itself. You are not alone, nor abandoned, but you are loved. You are loved!

My death was a holy death. It was all that I could give to the Father. It was all that I had left, and I was honored to do as Jesus Himself had done. Each of you, each one of you, dies one thousand “deaths” a day. Each of you has the opportunity to offer these little “deaths to yourself” to the Father. Each time you sacrifice, each time you do penance, you offer your life to Him. Never can our sacrifices add up to, or be worthy of, the sacrifice that God made for us, but this is not what He wants from us. He is not a God who seeks from us that He has given. He does not require our sacrifices in order to give out His graces. He wants our love, our very best, our all in what we do and in what we say, in what we have done and what we will do, in all that we are, in all that He has made us, in our strengths and in our weaknesses. For if we give to Him everything we have, can He not do the same for us? His mercy and justice are for always. He will give to us manyfold what we give to Him. He gives to us more than we can imagine. This is His way. He is our Father. He loves us. He wants all good things for us.

And this is why He sends to you His mother, a guardian of faith, a general in God’s army, a pillar in the unbreakable church. This is His most precious gift, the one whom He loved most on this earth, and He has given her to you. Accept her! Hear her words. Answer her call. Do as she asks, for as a mother, she wants for you all good things and wishes only for you to share in the glory of God. Know that the Church will prevail! The Angels in Heaven, the Angels shall present a glorified church to God and sing, “Alleluia,” forever! The Church will prevail! It is your task to give all that you can to God, that His glory might be multiplied for always.

Sisters and brothers, people of God, take heart! Have hope in these words that I have given to you. Know that there is nothing that can crush what God has instituted, God’s very heart. There is nothing, nothing worth giving up your share in His glory. Accept Him and His mother whom He sends. She is the pathway to the Son, the Son Who is the Way. He is every hope, is every love, is every mercy. Take heart! Be encouraged by this. Go out as the first evangelizers did and teach the young, the sick, those who thirst for God’s love. Show them, as I showed those early Christians who looked to me for an example, the way to be Christlike in your action, in your faith. And it is in this way that the whole world would be converted to God and His church would be glorified on Earth, as it is in Heaven and shall forever be. I thank you for having heard me. Remember all that I have told you in the spirit of Christian love and in fellowship.

Mary:

My children, I thank you for gathering this day. I am with you as your mother. Praised be Jesus, Lord of Lords on High! Prayer, prayer is so essential. Do not forget to pray! Do not forget my Son! I have spoken to you that the greatest prayer is Holy Mass and again, I wish to repeat this to you. I thank you for the prayers that you have offered to me. Know that I lay them before my Son, and He has accepted them with joy. You are a great comfort and consolation to the Crucified Lord. I love you so very much and draw you ever nearer to my Immaculate Heart.

St. John

March 17, 1998

Carolyn:

The Blessed Mother is wearing a slate-gray dress that is tied at the waist by a sash and she has a white veil. She is standing with her hands placed together in prayer. There are pink and white roses, and little red roses, around her feet. She has a coral-colored rosary that is very long and does not have just five decades, but all fifteen. On the bottom is a gold crucifix that has little round bulbs at the ends of it.

St. John is standing beside the Blessed Mother. He is a short man. He and the Blessed Mother are about the same height. He is dressed in brown and wearing sandals. He has dark brown hair and is balding a bit on the back of his head. He has a very round face and dark eyes. He is smiling. He is clasping something small and shiny in his hands, but I cannot see what it is. I think it may be a rosary.

Mary:

Dear children, I am overjoyed that you have come here today in such great numbers, for you have heard my call and you have responded with the fullness of your hearts. It is for this very reason that the Father allows me to work many graces upon this earth. He loves His children and He desires all that is good for them. As you who are parents respond to a child who embraces you, who loves you, who desires you, so too does He respond when His children reach out to Him as you do. I have accepted your prayers, and I have taken them up and laid them before my Son. They are most beautiful roses. Thank you for your prayers. I am overjoyed!

I bring to you this day, John, he who was the most intimate friend of my Son, and who cared for me so very well after He ascended to glory. Thank God for this gift, for He has made it possible. I thank you for your response, for your great desire to know God’s love and God’s mercy.

St. John:

Children of God, I greet you in the name of the Word Made Flesh, the One Who sits on high, now and forever. It is good to be with you, to be able to teach you what I have known of our Lord, being with Him for so very long. I was greatly blessed! I shared many years with Him. I knew Him as a man and in His glory. This was an awesome thing, one that I was not worthy of. Now I wish to share this experience with you, that it might deepen your faith and open your hearts to God in a very special and new way.

Brothers and sisters, before I was blessed to see the Son of Man and walk with Him, I was a simple man. I had very little schooling and lived as many others did in my day. And one day, this man Whom I had heard much about, came calling to me. There were so many things that people were saying about Him! Some believed He was the Messiah, the Promised One, the One that God would send to free us from bondage, the One He had promised to Abraham, to David, to our forefathers, but these were few. They were the ones who followed Him closely, and listened to His words, and lived His message. And there were others who thought He was a false prophet, One Who came to deceive, the “Seed of Evil,” as He was called. Many of these were devout Jews, those who knew the Law, who had studied it as the Pharisees and the Sadducees had. These were the ones who were set against Him from the very start, who mocked Him, who ridiculed Him, who tried every means to trick Him, and deceive Him, and those who followed Him. By the grace of God, these too were few.

Most people in my day, they knew not what to think. He was a wise man. Everyone agreed on that, for He could look deep into the soul of those whom He encountered and touch them in a way that no man could without the grace of God. He was special. There was something about Him. My own family, even they had heard these rumors. My parents were devoutly Jewish. They believed in the Messiah. They knew their Scripture well, and so they had little difficulty believing that Christ was the Messiah, for as Isaiah had written, the Messiah would come and would not be recognized. The Shepherd would walk among the lambs and not be seen nor heard, and the lambs would turn upon him, and he would suffer.

I knew not what to think, but I knew I must follow Him, for when He beckoned to me, there was nothing like it. And so, I put down my work and set aside my life, and I traveled with Him. And soon, He became my master, and I knew Him as the Lord.

Jesus, He was what we all must be! He was goodness and mercy, love. How many have passed those in need and done nothing? And why? Perhaps because you thought there was nothing you could give, or perhaps you knew that someone else would come along and give assistance to this person? Ah, but Jesus, when He saw those who ailed, those who suffered, there was nothing else in the world but that person for Him. And when He touched them and looked upon them, the love in His eyes, it was tremendous! Never did He turn any away, but He gathered all who loved Him near. He told stories, magnificent stories! And He taught us without us ever realizing it. He was wise and He was humble. He did not discriminate. He ate among the rich and the poor, the sick and the healthy, those who were noble and those who were lowly, and He loved each the same.

We must all strive to do this, for this is the greatest of God’s laws: love one another. For each of you are made in the image of the Christ, of God the Father, the Spirit, O Holy. When you serve one another, you serve Him, He Who created you. I believe that this is the greatest calling: to be a servant. Truly, the richest are the poorest, the meekest are the wisest, and those who would forsake all of themselves for another, even to their very lives, they are the most holy.

Jesus, He was a divine person, the Son of God in body and soul, full of His divinity, and yet, He was a man. This is a mystery that is incomprehensible to our minds. He grew tired, as you do, and hungry. He knew pain and joy. He laughed and He wept. He was great fun to be with, for He always had a kind word and perfect compassion in times of trial. I found it to be most amazing that even when He was downtrodden and discouraged, as all people will be, even when He was hungry and tired and weak from travel, from speaking, still He did not lose that perfect love, that perfect empathy, that perfect compassion and understanding for those who called to Him. He never rested. You know this. Your Gospels tell the story. For three years He walked among His followers, and He converted, and He healed, and He ministered, and He taught. All these things, they are difficult work. And He relied much on us, those who were His brothers, who were His disciples.

I believe that this too is important, for this is when the Christian has the hardest time living the life, the very life of Christ: in times when you are hungry and cold, when you are uncomfortable and tired. You know, you know the times of your weakness. It is easy to be good and holy when things are well, and you are well. But ah! How difficult is it to be holy when you feel everything but! This is the challenge that all Christians face, and persevere through: to be holy always. Holiness is a way of life. Holiness is the way of God.

If you wish to be truly holy, you must follow Christ’s example. And what is it that Christ taught us to do? Christ taught us to love, and He showed us love. He taught us to heal the sick, minister to the lonely, love the poor, the weak, those who are hated. He taught us that we are all children of God and equal in His eyes. And, even more so than all of creation, we are beautiful. There is no measure for the dignity of life. We are created in God’s image. We are His children. To show respect and give dignity to life is to emulate Christ, Who is life itself. Death could not remain where Christ was. Many did He raise from a state of death. Even death could not keep Him! How could death harness life? Life overcomes!

Christ also taught us to be humble. As you know, He was born to a virgin, a holy woman in a very small town, in a stable, a place where animals dwelled. And He lived His whole life simply, the Son of a carpenter. And even when He ministered, He ministered simply. He did not ask for material things. He did not worry about His meals, His clothing, His day-to-day needs. No, He trusted that the Father would provide, and He did. He was perfect humility. Never, never did He seek to do anything but glorify God, and in doing so, glorify He Himself, that it would glorify the Father.

He was an example of perfect obedience, obedience to the Father, obedience even to His creation. Let me ask you, what was it that caused the death of our Lord? Was it His crucifixion and His executioners? The nails that they drove into His body and the spear they drove into His side? No! He is the Lord! He gave His life in obedience to the will of the Father. And the will of the Father was to redeem each one of you. Perfect obedience, even to His executioners.

Christ, He was perfect forgiveness, for from the cross He forgave even the penitent sinner and those who inflicted such suffering upon Him. What terrible suffering He endured! Never was there a more inhumane execution, for at that time the Evil One sought to destroy His very will and very spirit. The torments He suffered, they are unimaginable! And yet, in His heart was only forgiveness, and peace, and love. From His cross, He gave to you one of His greatest gifts, the love of a mother, of His mother, of your mother. The Blessed Mother, she is goodness and is the only one who is a perfect example of what God intended for all of us to be. Follow her way, for her way always leads to the Son.

I knew Christ well. Many things did He confide in me, many fears, His angst, His love, and His joy. Most miraculous of all things that I witnessed was His compassion, and His love, and His goodness, and it is for this reason that I have spoken to you on these things. It is essential for you to live in holiness, for in holiness is the very Spirit of God. This is well. And yet you might ask, “How is it that I begin to live in holiness, for there is so much?” It is not easy to love when you feel like hating, to give when you feel like holding, to smile when you feel like frowning, to be peaceful when you wish to fight. But you, you have a weapon! You have a weapon against the evil, the very Evil One who has set himself against you to prevent you from living in holiness. That weapon, it is prayer. Prayer!

Without prayer you would die. You shrivel and dry up like a seedling without water. There are many who walk, who live, who talk, who are but empty shells. This causes great distress to our Lord. Prayer, it is food for the soul. It is drink for the thirst that your soul has for life itself. It is comfort and rest. And so, I say to you, how is it that you be joyful in sorrow, patient when you are hungry and thirsty, strong when you are tired and weak, and bold in God’s love? Satisfy your weakness with prayer, the perfect, perfect, perfect expression of love! The more that you pray and the more that you commit yourself to prayer, the easier it will be for you to live in holiness and goodness.

So, I urge you, pray! Pray frequently and with the heart. God will turn no one away in prayer when they pray with the true love that Christ has for His people. Pray, especially in these times when there is such evil in this world. Prayer is the remedy, the elixir, for the diseases of materialism, the disease of division in family, the disease of isolation from God. No one will truly understand the greatness of prayer until they arrive in our Father’s home. My brothers and sisters, I have spoken to you about many things, many virtues that you should possess and that I am sure you desire to possess. And I have told you that the way to acquire such virtues is prayer, for prayer brings about the graces of God. This is what you must do above all else. For what good is it to do the work of God if you have not made yourself a temple for Him to dwell in, to work through you?

Each person has an altar in the depths of their heart, and on these altars are their gods, the gods that they worship and adore. For most, the god is power. For many more, it is pride, money. These are idols. These are false gods. These things are passing. Place Jesus on your altar by living a life of holiness and prayer. God will not reject the sacrifice of His Son. It opens the very gates of His mercy. Come to the Father in the name of the Son and with gratitude for His sacrifice, and you shall find that you will be blessed abundantly.

All of what I have told you is true, and yet, there is more. For all that I have said that Christ is, He is still! While on earth, He was good and He suffered much for it, and you who are good, you too will suffer. This is inevitable. But Christ, He had His day of glory where He ascended to the Father in the company of minions of angels, who sang and praised, “Glory to God in the highest and peace to good people on earth!” He now sits at the right hand of the Father, and with the Father and the Holy Spirit, will rule for all of time and for all of eternity. He, a faithful servant of the Father, although God Himself, has been rewarded for His sacrifice.

Live a life of goodness and you too shall know these rewards. For at the hour of your death, when you are called home into the Father’s care, you will know great joy! There is none like it! Have hope, then. Have hope in this reward, this great treasure that God desires to give to you. For as Christ was glorified, you shall know His glory. You shall know His true being. I have described to you but a small part of the Christ, that you would come to know Him in a deep way. I assure you, when you join the Father and experience Him, all things, all cares, all sorrows, all joys, and all trials will pass away, and you will know only perfect joy.

My brothers and sisters, have hope! Children of God, praise Him and thank Him. Live a life of goodness through prayer and you will come to know Christ our Lord as your redeemer, your love, your friend, your brother, and your life. I thank you for hearing me this day and allowing me to speak to you. Take what I have said to heart and meditate upon it.

Mary:

Dear children, I with my Son bless you. I am with you always. Rely on my intercession and my aid, and you will never be abandoned. Love God with all of your hearts, and you will know His peace. Trust in Him, and you will know His joy. Thank you for having responded in such great numbers to this gift from the Father. It is through such responses that graces, the very graces of God, have entered this world and brought light to the darkness.

St. James

April 14, 1998

Carolyn:

The Blessed Mother is wearing a rose-colored dress and a long white veil. She has her arms extended out and raised up, her palms upward. Her eyes are lifted, and she is praying. St. James is standing beside her.

St. James is much taller than the Blessed Mother. He has medium brown hair and a beard. He is wearing a gray-brown robe with a brown sash around his shoulders, and he has sandals on his feet. St. James has a candle in one hand that is lit. In the other, a staff, but it has no crook. It’s like a walking stick. He is looking downward. He is also praying.

Mary:

My dear children, it is good to be among you again. I am overjoyed that you have responded to me in such great numbers. I thank you for coming to me in this way, for accepting the gift that the Father has given for His love of you. My dear ones, do pray! Do stay near to our Lord! This is a time of great celebration. It is the time of the Easter renewal, the very resurrection of our Lord! Pray, dear children, that all might know the great joy that I do know, and the hope that my Son, Jesus, brings to the world.

Today I have brought to you a faithful servant of the Father, he who was a leader of your early church, he who is now with the Father in glory. I thank you, my little ones, for accepting this grace, for your prayers and your sacrifices. They are most dear to my Immaculate Heart! Do continue in your good works, and keep your hearts open for the voice of God. He is with you, as I, your mother, am with you.

St. James:

My Christian friends, I greet you in the name of Christ, He Who was, Who is, and Who is to come. Let His peace fill you this day and always. Know always His will. Live always in His love, in the shadow of His mercy, and may your heart be filled with His graces. Brothers and sisters, friends of God, I walked with our Christ and I knew Him. Let me tell you about the early days, the days of trial and persecution, the days of great darkness.

Our Lord, after His ministries, He was taken and He was crucified, and so began the darkest day of all time. And I and my brothers, we fled. We ran far. Such fear was within us! We knew not what to do. We abandoned our Lord! And there He suffered, and He died, and He was laid in a tomb. Together with Peter, John, Matthew, I wept. I was so very afraid! We hid. We spoke only to those whom we could trust, to those who belonged to the Christian Way, the followers of Christ. We feared for our very lives, for if they had killed our master, what would become of us? None of us were brave. We did not yet have the courage that the Holy Spirit brings. And so, we stayed there locked up together, hidden away and afraid.

My sisters and brothers, we did not have hope. This is the gift of the resurrection: the gift of salvation, the gift of hope, the gift of joy. At this time, you do celebrate these things as you reflect on the great mystery of the resurrection of our Lord, but we had no hope in that time, knowing that we would be scattered, be broken, be killed. And so, we waited. There were some among us who remembered our Lord’s words. There were some who remembered that He had said that the Son of Man would be led away to death, only to rise again and be glorified. Let me tell you, this was not what was in our hearts on that day, but only angst, and despair, and hopelessness.

Time passed, and a knock! And a woman approached. “I have seen the Lord,” said she. Impossible! How could this be? We all saw our master bleed! We watched on as cowards in the distance as He died, with only His beloved and His mother beside Him. How could this be? Jesus, we ate with Him. We taught with Him. We knew Him. We knew He was the Lord, and yet, the very idea that He lived was beyond us. And then He came among us, showing us the wounds in His hands, and in His feet, and in His side, proclaiming the good news of the resurrection! This is the great gift that you now celebrate. You share in the joy and the hope of the resurrection, and are assured of your salvation in it.

Oh, on that day, how afraid we were! To think, we feared when He was not among us, but what greater fear did we know when He appeared within the room with the doors barred and windows closed! I shuddered and fell to the ground, falling to my knees, my face to the dirt, “Lord, Lord I am not worthy!” And He lifted us up, and He took my hands. “James,” He spoke. “James, rise up.” And He looked deep into my eyes, placed His hands on my shoulders. I feared no more then, but I knew great joy! I share this with you so you can hear the story as I saw it, as I know it to be, of our Lord’s greatest gift. For three years, He taught and ministered and healed, and this was good, but His greatest gift for all time was accomplished in but three hours on a tree on Calvary.

Still today, that sacrifice is renewed in your churches on your altars. Daily your priests offer Mass, the greatest of prayers, and again the sacrifice of the Christ is renewed. You have within your midst the full person of Jesus, His body, His blood, His soul and divinity. Within your tabernacles is the same Christ that I fell down before. “I am not worthy,” did I cry. It is most important to give this same homage to the Eucharistic Christ, for truly, Jesus loves you so very much that He renews His sacrifice, gives His life to you, each day. How humbling it is to think that the Lord of all creation would come to this earth, and hide Himself in bread and wine, only to be with you. What a testament to love!

In the days after the Christ returned and was among us, we had much joy and much anxiety. And He gifted us with the Holy Spirit, and sent us out to minister to all nations. The time came when He left us and ascended to the Father. We, His disciples, began the mission of preaching, of teaching our brothers and sisters, Jews and Gentiles, the Word, the Truth. Many of my brothers went out. Peter, John, they taught. They evangelized. I remained in Jerusalem, where I kept watch over the infant Church. What a difficult task this was for me, for in that day, the Church was weak and suffered much.

There are many now who say terrible, blasphemous things about the true Church of God. How often have you heard that the Church is corrupt, or evil, or wicked and oppressive? Brothers and sisters, you must not say such things! For the Church, it is not made up of buildings, nor of particular priests, nor of the ways of prayer or rituals. The Church is the Bride of Christ, the very being of Christ. To blaspheme her is to speak evil against Christ Himself. The Church is Christ’s hands and feet, His rule on this earth. You, each of you, are members of the Body of Christ. You continue His work this day, as I and my brothers did in that early time. You too teach, and evangelize, and give hope to those who are hopeless, as we once were. In doing so, you continue the work that Jesus gave to us, “Go out and make disciples of all nations.”

In your vocations, in your lives, you are all called to bring Christ, to be bearers of Christ. By your very name of “Christian,” you are called to His ministry. There are many, many vocations. Some are called to priesthood, and this is holy and good. Others to married life. Yet others remain single to devote their time completely to the Lord. There are those who work as teachers, as healers, as listeners. Whatever you have been called to do, do it well, and do it for the Lord. For you must understand, all that you are able to do is possible only because of the graces and the gifts that He has given to you. For when He created you, when you were but a thought in His mind, He made you just as you are. He placed within you all of the gifts and the joys, the beauty that you possess, the dignity that you have as His children, that dignity that you received at your baptism.

You are the children of God. The hands and feet of Christ. This is an indelible mark, one that cannot be erased. Not even death can take away your life in God. You must persevere and do well to serve Him, to devote yourselves to Him, to devote all of your actions to Him. For what you do in the Lord, it will be good, as He is good.

My sisters and my brothers, the days in which I lived were difficult and there were many arduous tasks. And it is the same now. It is difficult to be a Christian. The way that Christ called us to is not easy. For even He Himself understood that the road to Heaven is small and narrow, and for most, it is the path not traveled. It is not easy, but it is not impossible, as I once believed. Nothing is impossible with God. For me to limit the Lord, for me to doubt the resurrection, what an injustice! What a terrible limitation!

Our God is a God of love and mercy, and a God Whose very existence is devoted to loving His children. Would our Father in Heaven not provide for us all good things? Would He not send His own Son to be sacrificed as the Eternal Lamb, the sacrifice that can never be erased, outdone, the sacrifice that would bring about the salvation of all of us? Would He not provide for you? Would He not give to you the strength and the courage that you need to be disciples of Christ? Let me tell you, as one who has experienced the love of God in His kingdom, you cannot comprehend how much He does love you!

One day, if you choose to walk His road, you will stand before Him and see Him in all His glory. And He will embrace you, and draw you near to Him, and you will know what only those who now reign with Him can understand. But until that time, I assure you, you are most precious! Do nothing in vain. Avoid sin, for it robs you of the very life that Christ has won for you. It is an insult to your own dignity, and to the gift of life that the Father gave to you in His Son. Live in holiness, and with prayer, and with peace. Most especially, let peace be between you.

There is much evil in the world, and the light of Christ, it is all that can bring hope to the many. You must be able to bear that light. You must be able to bear that joy to those yet lost in the darkness. As the hands and feet and the Body of Christ, you must be able to emulate Him, to bring Him to the sick and the ailing, to the lost and the lonely, to those who are far from Him. This cannot be accomplished if you cannot be at peace within yourselves. This problem of division and strife, it was a problem that we faced in our early church. For as you know, there were many who wished to impose the Jewish law on the Christian Gentiles, and others who said it should not be so. Division is never of God. Division is caused by the Evil One who seeks to destroy all that God gives.

Peace can be found through prayer. Peace is sorely needed in this day. There is much division in the Church of God, and this cannot be so. How can the hand of Christ be divided from the feet? How can the body be divided from the soul? Christ is indivisible, as the Church is indivisible. Be united with one another. Be at peace with one another. Do not allow strife or anger to divide you, but embrace the virtues of forgiveness, mercy, love, and tolerance. Be patient. Be kind. Serve one another as you would serve Christ Himself, for within you, within each of you, dwells the Lord in the Eucharistic form so beautiful! When you take Him into yourselves, truly, He resides then in your soul always, so you must treat one another with great dignity and respect, and have great respect for all life.

These things are good, and they are practical, and they are things that all Christians should strive to do. But most importantly, you must always, always listen to the silence of your hearts. The voice of God, it is there. His Holy Spirit whispers to you His will, His way. Abandon yourselves completely to Him. Trust completely in Him. You will not be left alone, nor led out astray, but you will be lifted up, raised up. And by serving one another and those who do not yet know the Lord, you share in the mysterious salvation of Christ, and will with Him one day, share in His glory.

My dear brothers and sisters, I thank you for listening to me this day, for allowing me to come to you in this way. Lift grateful hearts up to the Father, for it is through Him that all graces are made possible. Finally, I do say to you, of all things in life, your families, your friends, your work, there is but one thing that is eternal, and that is the love that God has placed in each of your hearts to give to one another and to Him. Remember this as you go about your daily duties, for many are lost in the trivialness of life, the things that are passing. Possessions, desires- all these things are for naught. Only love, only love will transcend even death.

I do hope that this was an encouragement for you. I do wish for you to know how near you are to God. And though we all are faulted, and walk away from Him at times, our Lord is One of such love that He does not let us go, but pursues us, embraces us, forgives us. Look forward with great anticipation to seeing Him as I do now, in your heavenly home. Let that be a prize, a reward, that you seek, and do so by loving one another.

Mary:

My dear children, I give to you this day my motherly blessing. I ask you to continue in your prayers. Do pray especially for my priests who struggle, for those who have gone before you and are in Purgatory. Pray that God might continue to allow great graces to pour forth upon this earth, that all might know my Son as their redeemer and their Lord. I bless you in the name of the Father, and of the Son, and of the Spirit Who dwells within you. May the peace of Christ be with you.

St. Anne

May 17, 1998

Carolyn:

The Blessed Mother appears as a young woman. She is wearing a slate-gray dress with a mantle and a short white veil. She has dark black hair. Her hands are extended and she is smiling.

St. Anne is with her. She looks older than the Blessed Mother. She is also wearing a mantle and a long gown that is tied about the waist with a sash. Her veil is folded over and pulled back away from her face, and she has very dark hair and blue eyes. St. Anne has her hands on the Blessed Mother’s shoulder and left arm.

Mary:

My dear little one, thank you for responding to my call and gathering again here tonight. You have come to receive these graces of God because you love the Son and the Father Who sent Him, and you have loved me as your mother and honored me. Thank you for your prayers and for your sacrifices. I thank you for all of the gifts that you have offered for my intentions, for those gifts which you have offered to console my wounded Son. They are a great joy to our Father in Heaven, He Who loves us and Who is so merciful that He has allowed you, His little children, to know me and the saints of the heavens in the most miraculous way. Again, I thank you for gathering here, and for offering your prayers. Continue always, always to place Jesus in the center of your lives, to emulate Him always, for He is the Way, and the Light of the World.

St. Anne:

Good people of God, it is good to be among you. Let us always praise Him, for He has made great things for us, His people, His chosen ones. Good people, I have been asked to come among you this day and to speak to you, that you might know in a most personal way that God does work among you, that the kingdom that He has prepared for you is not far, but so very near to you. God, He is with you! He lives among you, in your prayer, in your worship, in your church. We, those who have served Him and gone on to receive our reward with Him and in Him, we have the joy of eternal unity with Him, with the Blessed Trinity. This is a joy that you have yet to know, a most beautiful thing! I wish to impart to you some of that joy in the knowledge of the Trinity, some of the wondrous awe in the knowledge of the Son, He Who was made man and came upon this earth, and dwelt among us to show us the way to the kingdom that has been prepared.

I lived in a time when I grew up and worked simply, as a wife and a mother. I tended to my husband’s animals. I tended to the house. I tended to his needs, as a good wife must. We loved the Lord. We kept the Law. We honored the Sabbath. We loved God, and yet, for so very long, He sent us no children. You must understand that in this day, to be barren, this was seen as a horrible thing. It meant that you had offended God, that He had withheld the very life that is Him, from you. Nevertheless, I persevered in faith, and I prayed that God would send me a child, a little one of my very own, that I might protect, and guard, and love. Often, I found my consolation in the tales of our fathers, of Abraham, of Sarah, of those who struggled, of those who too were barren, and I resigned myself to the fact that the life of a mother was not for me.

One should not limit God in such a way! For He did see fit to send me a child, a beautiful little girl, and I named her Miriam. She was a holy child, holy indeed, and from her first steps, learned to love the Lord, to walk with Him, to obey Him. When she was presented at the Temple, she knew then that God loved her as her father and I did, and she rejoiced, even though so very young. My husband and I, we brought her up to know the Law. We taught her by our example what it is to serve one another in a family and, though young, what a perceptive child!

As you know, children learn by watching those around them. This is why it is of great importance that your families be virtuous! It is the very cradle of God’s arms, the very heart of life itself! The family is the place that the great gift of faith is nurtured and guided. Mutual service, charity- these things are important in family life. You must serve one another, as Christ served you. If you cannot do this among your families, how then, could you go out and do it for those whom you do not know? I urge you, strive for a special holiness in your families, and pray often in the name of the Holy Family, that God would strengthen your families in faith, hope, and love.

Wives, be true to your husbands. Obey them and serve them, for they are as Christ. Husbands, do honor your wives, for they are as His Body, the temple of life through which life, life, the very presence of God, is brought forth into this world. Children, do obey your parents, for God has commanded this as He gave His law to Moses in the Sinai. Honor your parents and your elders. Love them. Obey them.

My Miriam was a special child. And as you well know, God chose her for a special mission, that she would receive a grace so wonderful, so holy, that no other woman from age to age would share in the special honor that she had received. My Miriam was to become the Mother of God, the Savior that had been promised to our people for always.

Jesus, a special child, a beautiful one, God-Made-Man, though hidden, hidden quietly in a small child Who was like many others in our village. Jesus ran, and He played, and He laughed, and He cried, and His mother carefully nursed His wounds, watched Him pray, and helped Him grow. And she taught Him, with her husband, to love God and to serve God. Dear ones, these were the times, these were the times of God’s greatest gift, the time when the Christ Child was brought forth into this world to bring light to the darkness, the Savior, the Lord! I do tell you, should you have seen Him playing, laughing with His friends, or in His schooling, one might not have guessed the great gift He would give to the world.

Dear ones, it is imperative that you, all of you, give the gift of faith, the faith that has been passed down from age to age, to your children. Just as the Christ Child was placed by the Father into a family, so too has the Father placed children into your care, that you would nurture them and bring them up for God alone. Ultimately, your children are not your own, but they are the children of God, given to you for but a while, to be taught and instructed. And so then, emulate goodness, and purity, and humility for them that, like the Christ Child, they would grow to serve God in whatever mission they have been called to do.

My message to you is one of trust. It was difficult for me to trust God. I endured many trials in my life. At a very young age, I found myself without parents. I trusted God as my father, that He would father me, and that He would take the place of my family, my cradle of love. I endured many illnesses, and a long period of trusting in God’s grace and goodness, as I prayed for a child of my own. My husband, he too was a holy man and served God each day.

You know that we both share in God’s glory as part of the Church Glorified in Heaven. I tell you, it is not that difficult to join the Father here. You must choose to serve, to serve in your families, to serve your spouses and your children, to serve your parents, your neighbors. You must choose to love God. It is not something that can be thought about, that can be decided with the mind, but something that must be chosen with the soul, an act of the will, of the mind, of the heart, and the soul together. A conscious choice to love. Once you have done this, it is not difficult, for God gives many graces to those who are persistent in their efforts. He has created each of you. He knows your strengths and your weaknesses, as He knows His own hands. He has molded you, and shaped you to be who you are, and called you to receive many graces to strengthen you.

Do choose to love Him, and discipline yourself to do so. My husband and I, we did no great things in our lives other than serve one another, and our children, and those around us. This is all that is required of you. You need not go out and perform great miracles, though there are many who are called to such a vocation. You need not become a priest or religious, though this is a holy sign of God’s love and of Christ on earth. You need not do great things, only simple acts of love, and charity, and humility.

Each day start anew, for there will be many times when you will fail to love as you have decided to do. Each day, rise with the words upon your lips, “Jesus, grant me the grace to serve you this day in the little things in my life, in the times of disappointments and trials, and in joys.” I assure you, were you to ask for His guidance and grace, it shall not be denied to you.

Each day, serve in little ways, with little sacrifices. In this way, you truly will become holy, and you will find yourself drawing nearer to God. Keep Him always in your mind and in your heart, and throughout the day, offer to Him your sacrifices, offer to Him your joys. Share your life with Him, as He has shared His with you, His eternal life, and you will find yourself growing very near to Him. You will find a love of prayer grow in your heart. You will find a love of peace where there was not peace before. You will find a perfect joy where there was bitterness and regret, and the true desire to love better, more perfectly, and more diligently, than you had the day before.

Simple acts of service, this is the way to the Kingdom of God. This is the way to be near to God, He whose very incarnation was a vast grace, an ocean of love, and the greatest service that ever has been, and ever shall be, performed upon this earth. Emulate His life. He did not go out and proclaim the Way of the Lord in a way that was large, in a way that was loud. He did not shout it out from the mountain tops, but through His service, through the laying of His hands upon the sick, through the touch of love, through eating with the poor and the lame. Sharing, laughing, loving, did He live His life, and gave all glory to God. Even in His death, it was not grand, but a simple act of service, as He died upon a tree with criminals. There is no more humble an act.

Many did not gather there. There was no one there to sing out praises to God, though many there knew He was the Messiah. There was no one there to proclaim the great gift that was being offered at that moment but a few who were faithful to Him, and those who were His executioners. In simplicity did He live, and in simplicity did He die. Even in His resurrection, He came again, and dwelt among His followers, and ate with them, and taught them, and embraced them. He touched them, and He allowed them to touch the very wounds that were their salvation.

The simple ways, good people, are the ways of God. Christ, He is Humility, born to my daughter, Miriam, a Jewish girl of no esteem. She did not stand out apart from her peers except for her joyful love of God. Christ grew up as every Jewish boy. He played, and He laughed, and He loved. He went out and answered the call of God, served in simplicity, and died a humble death.

You are asked to do the very same thing. None of you were born with esteem. Your parents and families could not be distinguished from the others, nor could you as children be distinguished from your peers, except that like Christ, you bear a mark, the mark that was placed upon your soul at your very baptism, the mark that defines you as a child of God.

You too, have a vocation and a mission. Follow Christ’s example to grow and to serve in your mission, simply and with great love, that you would live a holy life and die a humble death, giving all things that you do, that you say, that you feel, for the glory of God. In this way, by placing all of your trust in Him, by allowing Him to guide you and Him alone, you will come to join us here, those who do now experience His great glory.

Good people of God, I thank you for having listened to what I have taught you this day, and I urge you to place your trust completely in the Lord. He is the Master of Humility. He is such love that He gives His whole self to you. If you would only throw yourself before Him in great trust and simplicity, as a child does in his family, you will be guided and led to a life of holiness, virtue, and love.

Mary:

Dear children, praise God for the gift He has allowed this day and for all gifts He has given. He is a generous God, and gives His grace to His children in a miraculous way. Dear little ones, as ever I am with you as a mother and an intercessor. May I extend to you my blessing, in the name of the Father, and the Son, and the Holy Spirit, that you would be strengthened and renewed in your trust and love for God, and filled with faith and the Holy Spirit. My little ones, be at peace this day and always.

St. John the Baptist

June 8, 1998

Carolyn:

The Blessed Mother is wearing a gray dress and a long white veil. Her hands are folded near her waist, and she has a coral-colored rosary draped over her arm. St. John the Baptist is with her.

St. John is wearing a brown robe that is tied at the waist with a cord. He is short and a little stocky. He looks older. He has short, gray-black, very curly hair and a beard and a mustache. He has a staff in his hand, and he is standing beside the Blessed Mother, looking toward her. She has now extended her arms.

Mary:

My dear little ones. It is good to be with you again in this way. Know that I am with you now as ever, and always as your mother. Praise God and thank Him for this gift He has allowed this day, for you have been chosen to receive a great gift. Through His mercy He allows His son, the Evangelizer, the Baptizer, the one who came before Him to announce His way, to speak to you this day.

Praise God! This is such a gift! I do wish for you to know that I am glad that you have gathered here, that I have called each of you here, that you might receive with open ears and open hearts these words. Know that each of these children, each of these little ones who now share in the glory of Christ, was as you are. Learn from them. Allow them to teach you. Hear their words and listen, for they can tell you many things of the goodness of God our Father. Know that as always, I extend to you my blessing and my prayers of intercession.

St. John:

People of God, my brothers and sisters in the Lord, I come to you with a message of the goodness of our Lord. He is so very good that He created man in His image and placed him upon this earth. He attended to his every need, gave to him all things, and man fell away and walked far from Him. But our Father in Heaven, He would not allow this to be so. He created us, each of us, uniquely like Him, to be with Him, to love Him, to serve Him. And so, He promised our forefathers that there would come a savior, One who would take upon Himself the sin of mankind, and that through His suffering and death, we might be restored to life.

To Abraham, He made the promise that he would be the father of the children of God. To David, that he might be the father of the Messiah, that from his lineage this Chosen One would come forth into the world. To Mary, our queen, He gave the promise of a new life, a beautiful life growing miraculously within her womb, a life conceived in spirit alone, a life more holy, more pure, than any life that this earth could sustain.

And the Son of God was born into this world to do as the Scriptures had prophesied, to grow up in humility, to learn from His creation, to be obedient to His executioners, to shed His blood upon this earth that His very hand molded, to wipe away our sins, and cleanse us, and free us. We are wretched creatures without God! He alone makes us beautiful. Within us He places our souls. He offers to us His own life, should we wish to take it. He has given us the cleansing waters of our baptism.

Do recall that it was water that poured forth from His heart, mingled with His blood. These are the gifts that our Savior gives to us: His blood to fill us with life, for blood itself is the very life of man, water to wipe away the sin that tarnishes the soul that God has painstakingly created to be beautiful, to be perfect, to be with Him. And so, in this great gift we received the very life of God, eternal life, true immortality, should we desire it. And forgiveness, perfect forgiveness, for the sins of our fathers and our own sin as the waters that poured forth from His heart do cleanse us, should we desire it. And so, I advise you, do make it your will to desire Him. A fool would turn away such a gift, and yet many in this day do.

Our God, the God of Noah, of Abraham, of Isaac and Jacob, the God of David, the God that helped armies march to great victories, the God that gave to Moses the tablets with the Law, that God loves us so very much that He sent His Son to die for us, this is a merciful God! This is love! For as Christ Himself has said, there is no greater love than for a man to lay down his life for another. What great love our Lord has for us!

People of God, do extend that same love to Him, for it is all that He desires. It is all that He has wanted. He has given to you all that you need. Could your lives be more fulfilled? Could you imagine another thing that you have not, that you need? He has given you a beautiful, beautiful life. He has provided food for you and shelter. He has provided for you all things that you need. There are many who are wrapped up in the materialism of this world, who desire this thing, or that, or another, who need to go there, or see this, or do this, and obtain that, but I tell you, you have all that you need within you. You have all that you need from our Father.

Water, that gift that washes away your sins, that sustains your life, He has provided. Shelter, your work, that you might provide for your families, none of you have gone without. In your homes you have warmth, and comfort, and the love of one another, Christian friends to support you, the Church to comfort, and console you, and welcome you. You have all that you need. The Church is a gift! The sacraments, they alone are worth more than anything upon this earth, for even in them He has given you all that you need. He has baptized you to a new life.

Do you understand what it is to be a child of God? Do you know the gift you have been given? You cannot see what we who share in His kingdom can see. What a tremendous thing! He has taken the life from His own heart and placed it in you. He has given you His body as your food and His blood as your drink, His forgiveness when you are weak. He has given you the love of one another. He has given you the priesthood for guidance and consolation. He has given you His own mother, that she would intercede for you, that each day she would kneel before the cross and recommend you to Him. He has given all to you. Will you not do the same? Do know that you are blessed! You are so blessed, for not only has He provided all good things for you, but He has given to you such a gift as this- the wisdom that one can obtain only once he looks upon the face of the Messiah, and experiences that love in His embrace. You have been given a gift of wisdom that far surpasses the wisdom of many, many holy people. It is all a gift, a gift!

Our God is merciful, and He is loving. You should not be in the company of anyone who would tell you otherwise. Do not allow them to slander our God. Know your faith. Let your faith be your rock. As Jesus has built the Church upon the rock of Peter, stay true to your church, to the rock of your faith. You know our God is a loving God, and a merciful God, and a God of forgiveness, and of truth, and of life. Should anyone come to tell you that He is not this, but a God of anger, and strife, and hatred, you will know that this is a falsehood. You must not be persuaded by the times. You must not be persuaded by those around you. You must not be persuaded by your own doubts. You know the truth. You have been given all that you need. You know our Lord. As Christ has said, His lambs know the Shepherd and He knows them.

Watch for Him. See Him each day in your churches on your altars, in your prayer, in one another. Do not walk blindly past, as so many do, to seek out all that you need, that you want, that you must obtain, but look for Him, want Him, desire Him, seek Him out. You will find that He is there waiting for you. A God Who has given you so much, to His very life, will never be near to those who do not want Him, for they push Him away. But this same God who has given to you all things will not be far from those who call out to Him. He desires you so very much. You need only call upon Him, and He is with you. You need only cry out to Him, and you are forgiven. Be at peace, and be consoled in this. Find faith in this, and new life.

What is all this that you desire here? It is nothing! It passes away! And as my life on this earth passed, so will yours. And all these things that men collect will pass away too, all but faith, all but love. In all things, in all situations, you always have faith. You always have the love of God. And because you are a Christian, and you know your Lord, and He knows you, you have hope! You have a hope in the Resurrection, in the day when Christ will return and resurrect all of those who have suffered here to new life, in the day of your own death, when you meet your Lord and you are welcomed into eternal life, into the banquet hall that He has prepared for you. We are all called to die many times, to ourselves, to our desires, to our needs. But for as many “deaths” as we experience, there are as many “life’s”, new life, conversion, hope, peace, reconciliation, life in God. This is what feeds your soul! This is what God has provided for you. God is good. You are all blessed, as all of His children are.

Take to heart these things and remember them always, especially in the times of greatest struggle and strife. Allow no one to tell you anything different than that you are loved more than all things, that you have hope even when everything else is gone, that your faith is strong, and real, and alive in you, because Christ is alive in you every day, at every Mass, when you receive Him. You need fear nothing, for with God at your side, walking always behind you and before you, leading you to your heavenly home, you cannot go astray. Remain with Him. Be vigilant. Be constant. Call out to Him. He has given you His mother as a guide, His Son as a Messiah, and His life for all eternity. Be at peace. Live your lives for Him. Offer to Him all things. See Him. Seek Him out. Desire Him. And with grateful hearts praise Him, for He is good.

Mary:

My dear ones. I do pray that you would always have peace in your homes, and in your hearts, and among one another. Continue to pray fervently for your Christian brothers and sisters and those who are in Purgatory, for my young people and my priests, for those who are desperately in need of conversion. Continue to pray. The benefits, the graces of prayer, you cannot comprehend! I thank you for gathering this night, for hearing me, for hearing the one whom I have brought to you. Do praise God and thank Him. Do offer your love to Him in service each day. I bless you in the name of the Father, the Son, and the Spirit Who dwells within us.

St. Stephen

June 29, 1998

Carolyn:

The Blessed Mother is wearing a long, gray gown. She has a blue mantle and a white veil, and a sash around her waist. She has a coral-colored rosary in her hands, which are folded in front of her. There are red and pink roses around the bottom of her gown, and over her feet.

St. Stephen is with her. He is a rather small man. He has bright blue eyes and long, brown, curly hair, with a beard. He is dressed in brown, in the same kind of gown that the Blessed Mother is wearing, and he has a burgundy sash around his waist. St. Stephen has a rock in his hand that he holds out in front of him.

Mary:

My dear little ones, it is good to be with you this day. As your mother, I am overjoyed that you have come in such great numbers to receive this gift of the Father. Praise Him, dear children, for it is through His mercy and His goodness that He has allowed such a grace as this. My little ones, I am as ever with you. I come to guide you, to advise you, to counsel you as a mother, to show you the way to our Father’s home.

My dear ones, I bring this day to you a servant of God who has suffered much for Him. I wish for you to listen intently, to learn from the wisdom he has now gained, to listen for God’s call to you through his message, to open your hearts, that Christ might be alive there and welcome there, that He might truly rule your hearts, and your souls, your minds, and your bodies, and that you, like this son and servant, will one day come to share in His glory. May His peace fill you.

St. Stephen:

Sisters and brothers in the Lord, may His name be exalted for always! Let me share with you some of who I am, that you might know how it is that God is alive in our lives and present with us at all times, even when we do not see His hands, nor sense His presence with us. When we know not Who He is, He fathers us yet.

I grew up a Jew, and was taught in the ways of the Law. Regrettably, I was not an obedient child. When still a young man, I took to the street and left my home. I left my father and all he had, all that would have become mine. I left my family and my friends. I left the Law of God. I left the Temple, I desired not to go there again. I went to build my life, to gather things, to be someone. Many people did I meet, and many friends did I have. What a good time it was for me then, parties, friends, work! This was the darkest time in my life.

I worked and I toiled for many years on my own, far from God, far from the Law, from the teachings I had known. And then a day came, when I felt within my heart the loneliness from the life I had chosen, and a desire to return to God. But first, I had to make peace with my father. This, perhaps, was more difficult. And so, I went home, and there I remained for some time. But again, the restlessness of youth set in, and, after many good months of faith, and strength, and family unity, again I forced the wedge of division in my household to break open my family, and took off to be my own man. Many years I was away. Many things did I do and see, but none of this is important. None of this matters.

Again, as a young man taking a wife, I found God in the Temple. And as my child was born, I saw the goodness of God in him. These things brought me near to God and made me feel that the God of my father’s fathers was alive! Three times I fell away. This newfound love for God did not last. I was a wretched person. I mistreated those I loved. Many times in my life, many times did I find God, only to lose Him by my own will again.

And then, when finally I felt as though I had established myself as an upstanding man in my community, and had begun to attend those rituals in the Temple that I had sorely missed, I heard of someone, a man from a very small town who had come claiming he was the Messiah, the Chosen One for the people of God, the sons of Abraham. My heart was still restless. Nothing had changed in those years of falling away from God and returning. Still, I yearned for something, something I did not find in my family and this life I had created of misery, of things that meant nothing, in my job, in work, in friends. And so, through those who belonged to the Way, I came to know of this man. I came to know the Lord.

Throughout my life I had known Him, and lost Him, and known Him, and lost Him, but I realize that I never did know Him until the day I heard of our Christ and of His great love. I believe that I could not accept the God of our fathers, for I felt that He was cold. I was taught that He was a vengeful God. I was taught that He was a God of anger. My heart, my very soul, could not accept this to be true, for as I looked at my children, I knew no God of anger could create such beauty! I loved my family, and I knew how faulted I was. God must be so much greater! In this Christ, this Messiah, I found God, and I became zealous for Him!

First, to my family the news, the Good News of the Messiah! Many of them scoffed and ridiculed. Know that this was a time of great persecutions for those who belonged to the Way. Many, many were killed. And yet, no one knew! There was no outcry in the government. There was no outcry from the people, from these people of God. Those who belonged to the Way simply vanished, were gone! How frightened I was! How terribly frightened to know not what had happened to those whom I had come to love. What would become of me if I followed this man? Would I too disappear? Gone, leaving a wife and children? What would happen to me? Did I truly trust this Messiah? What reason did I have to trust that this was truly the Son of God, for so many times in my life I had felt so near to a God, that I then abandoned?

At this point in my life, I knew I must make the decision to find myself in God. I was so wayward, and so lost, and so without meaning and purpose. And so, despite these fears, I began to teach. I began to teach not only my family and friends, but all those I met, that the Messiah had come, that truly He had come to save the children of Abraham. For the first time in all of my life, through the many falls, through the many terrible injuries inflicted upon my soul by my own hand, I felt fulfilled! I felt the grace of God! And as this grace multiplied in my soul, I began to become more fervent, and more bold in the Spirit, and I spoke freely of my beliefs in this Messiah, and freely of His love, His forgiveness, His ultimate sacrifice. Even then, in those times I had moments of doubt in my life and in my heart. Oh, and such fear! I simply relied on God, the God I had come to know through my Messiah, to give me the strength that I needed to do whatever it was that He would ask of me. Whatever fate I would share with my brothers and sisters, I would do so for God, if it was the only good thing I had ever done.

For several years I taught and spoke. And during those years, I felt within me something I had never known- peace, tremendous peace! Grace! Love! No longer did I mistreat my family, but I knew how to love them as God must have loved me. So many, so many injuries did I inflict upon my own soul through those times when I fell away from God! By my own hand I had bruised and battered my very own soul. For just as a body falls and is injured, so too does the soul become tarnished and bloodied, when fallen from God. This I knew must be true. Oh how I feared that God would see me as nothing but wretched! Still, I persevered, and it was difficult. By no means do I wish to say that it was an easy road. There were many times when I fell, and many times when I felt I could not get up but to pull myself up on the cross.

One day, as I spoke to a crowd of people, many men who were known to persecute those who belong to the Way came and surrounded me. This moment was the defining moment of my life. All the things that had happened to me, I do believe, had the purpose of preparing me for this moment. All those years of searching for God and searching for purpose. Did I have the courage now to face what I did not know, to walk blindly into a fate I could only hope that God would deliver me from, or give me peace with? By His grace alone, I stood tall, and as my soul had been battered and bloodied so many times in my life, my body was then battered and broken, and I left this earth with my body in the very state that my soul had been in so many years.

I found myself then in a place I could not have imagined, I could not have comprehended. I was so afraid. I was so afraid! I could scarcely look down, nor up, nor anywhere! And a light- a bright light! And I looked away. How strange it is that at this moment, when I was about to meet He Who had created me from the dust and the sky, all I could think about is how wretched I must look, how terrible. And I glanced down to see myself then. Oh, and I was astounded! All my life I had been convinced that my soul must be ugly for all of those injuries I had inflicted thereon, but it was beautiful! I could scarcely believe it was me. How could this be? I did not understand, and in my shock and amazement, I looked up, and my eyes filled with tears of terrible sorrow.

Then, at that moment, I saw the Lamb of God! And I looked down at myself- beautiful! And I saw Him. He wore my bruises, my cuts, those injuries that I had inflicted with my sin, with my disbelief. He wore my stripes upon His back, my lacerations on His head. His blood spilled from Him, that my blood, the very life of a soul, might be preserved. I fell before Him, wishing only that I could go, go back and do what I ought to have done.

I carried with me, though, a stone, the stone that had taken my life, and it was all I had so I gave it to Him. And as He took it, a tremendous thing happened! I dared to raise my eyes and I know not why, but suddenly, a light overcame me that was so bright, I had to turn my face from it. And as He took that stone that held my life, all that I had to give, He became not a beaten lamb, offered as a sacrifice, slaughtered by my injuries, but a lion with such power and such light, that I was more afraid then than I had been before! He reached out to me and when He touched me, that light overcame me, and He Who bore my scars, Who bore my injuries, Who spilt the blood that I should have spilt from my very soul, gave to me a share in His glory. Oh, what a tremendous thing! Nothing I had seen on this earth, nor experienced, nor loved, nor hated, nothing could be in my mind, but that moment, that moment when I met my Messiah!

Just as He bore my scars, He bears yours. But as the Good Shepherd, He wishes not for you to know Him as One who desires to punish you, nor be angry with you, nor resent you for these wounds inflicted upon Him, but as He gave me this vision of glory, He promises to you this same glory, this same eternal life. This is a tremendous thing! Something that you, too, will know.

Many times, people speak of life changing events. Life changing. May your life be always changing! May your life be always, always precious, in that it was created by God to be perfected in Him. Do not do as I have done, but instead, stand before Him with balms and oils for His wounds of service and love, to sooth and comfort Him in His distress. I had a rock to give to Him, a rock that took my life. And without it, I know not what I would have done there. What do you have to give to Him? I tell you this, there is nothing you can give Him that will match what He will give to you in return, not even your lives, as even mine was not worthy. But He is so good and is such love that He cares not, but wishes to give to you all things.

Pray that you might receive the grace to live your lives with the strength of faith and the courage of the Spirit, that you might have an armload of flowers to present to Him, that you might have your very self to give to Him as a gift, that even if it is a rock, you might have something. Your lives are precious. They are dear. Do not live them flamboyantly, without thought for cause, or reason, or purpose, but give every moment and every day meaning in God, and you will see yourself stand before Him bathed in His light, and you might reach out and comfort Him in His distress, share in His glory, and be with Him in His kingdom for always.

My friends, my sisters and brothers in the Lord, I thank you for having heard me. Do as I have told you, for yourselves, for the Lord. You cannot know what that moment will be like until you are there, until you have your eyes unveiled, until your vision is renewed, and your soul renewed, and you see in that way that God sees. I tell you this that you might know a piece of what is to come for all of you. And I tell you this that you might have hope, for you know what I knew not. You know that He waits for you, that He stands at the gates of His kingdom and waits for you. Join Him there! May you be filled with His love, and serve Him always in your thoughts, in your words, and in your deeds.

Mary:

My little children, I offer to you this day my motherly blessing. I give to you my prayers of intercession, and I ask the Saints in Heaven and all the Angels that God has created, to care for you and love you, to pray with me for you, that you might receive His grace, that you might know Him always, that you might join Him in Heaven. Do pray. Do serve Him. Do love Him. It is in His name that I bless you. Remember that I am with you in all things, and that I love you as your mother.

St. Andrew

July 27, 1998

Carolyn:

The Blessed Mother is dressed in a gray gown and a blue mantle. Her hands are folded, and her head is bowed. Her eyes are closed, and she is praying. She is surrounded by roses. St. Andrew is kneeling before her. He is a plump man. He has curly, gray hair and a long beard. He has one hand extended in front of him and slightly up. In the other he holds a crucifix.

Mary:

My dear little ones, I bless you and I thank you for gathering here today in such a great number. It is because of your response that God does allow such graces to enter this world, to touch His little ones, to renew their hearts and their spirits, that they might come to know Him in a more glorious, more intimate way. I wish to tell you of His love for you, for each of you, and how greatly pleased I am that you have offered prayer with such fervent hearts for my intentions.

My dear little ones, pray always! For through prayer your hearts are changed, nourished, and brought nearer to my Son, He Who is the Light on the road to the kingdom our Father has prepared for you. Follow Him. Emulate Him. Walk His way. You shall not be left. You shall not be abandoned, for I will accompany you as your mother, always.

Today, I bring to you one who has much to tell of both suffering and life. He has much to tell of his walk with our Lord. He received a gift that many, many of my Son’s children would desire with all their hearts, to be with Him on this earth as He taught and healed, as He loved each and every one of His little children who came to Him. There is much you can learn from him. I thank you for hearing me this day, for responding with the fullness of your hearts, and for praying with joy and love for God.

St. Andrew:

Brothers and sisters, lambs of God, peace be with you! It is a great joy to be able to share with you this day the Good News that our Lord is with you and has blessed you tremendously. Do thank Him and praise Him. Recognize Him in your lives. Know that He is among you.

My brothers and sisters, our God, He does nothing arbitrarily, for in every action is such great purpose, such reason as we cannot comprehend. It was not by chance that the Master selected me to follow, for I was in such need of leadership and guidance, as all of us were. My life, before He came into it, was as many of the Jewish men in that day. I worked very hard. I provided for my family. With my brothers, I worked and toiled and offered thanks to our God, our Yahweh, who had provided all good things for us. I knew the prophesies of old, that a Messiah would come and deliver us. Many in that day believed that He would come and sit on a throne as an earthly king, to rule over all of the tribes of Israel, to rule the world. As you know, it was not that way that God worked on this earth, but in a much grander way, a way that was so simple, one who did not know Him, who could not recognize the Shepherd Who came to gather the sheep, might very well have missed Him.

My brothers and sisters, my life was empty. As much as I worked, I disobeyed and did all that I should not do. And on the Sabbath day, I would go to Temple and I would give alms, and I would thank our Lord Who had provided such great, great things for my family, and yet, I felt alone.

I would like to tell you that our Christ, His love was so beautiful that truly, He did not choose those who were most suited to follow Him to go out and be great teachers, great prophets, great healers. This has never been our Lord’s way. You know well how He has chosen the simple, those who are fallen, those who are weak, and through His Holy Spirit, has made them strong. It was the same with us, with all of us who followed Him. We were not great men. We accomplished nothing on our own. All that we did, we did because the Spirit of God moved within us. It was His Spirit, truly, that founded the Church, the very body of Christ. It was His Spirit that moved in the Martyrs, those who, like myself, gave their lives up to follow Christ in the most perfect and most complete act of self-sacrifice. We were not strong. We were like you. We had times of great faith and times of great disbelief, times of great fervor and times when God, we felt, He was not with us.

I wish to tell you this that you might know that all is possible in the Spirit of God, that it is through Him that great things are accomplished. No man can accomplish what God can do. No man can work the great miracles of the heart that God can. In your times of despair, when you desire so much to change yourselves, to change those whom you love, to make a difference in the world, to do God’s work, seek not to do it on your own, but seek to make yourselves a vessel for the Spirit, that He might work through you. Open yourselves. Be prepared to accept the mission, the gifts He gives to you, even if they are not what you had prayed for, nor what you expected. For truly, let me tell you, I never, never, never expected that my life would come to following a son of a carpenter, a man Who was a healer and a gentle teacher, following Him all the way to my own death. God works in mysterious ways.

Brothers and sisters, Jesus our Lord, He chose me I believe, because of my weakness. God chooses those who can do much good for others with His Spirit, but who desperately need the power of His Spirit within themselves. When He came into my life, there were profound changes in my very heart, and I began to pray and to love God as I never thought I could, as I always desired to do. He taught us great things. He taught us obedience and humility. He taught us to love one another. It was His passion that taught us the greatest lesson, the lesson of perfect love, perfect forgiveness, of reconciliation, as God is reconciled to His people. Salvation! Our God desires for each and every one of you to be with Him. He has designed you, and created you for this alone. He loves you so tremendously that He sent His Son to die for you, that you might know His glory, as I and those who have gone before, do now.

As you have reflected this evening on the Sorrowful Mysteries of the most beautiful Rosary, a prayer that is dear to our Blessed Mother’s heart, she who does intercede so tremendously before her Son for each one of you, I wish to speak about each of these events that you have reflected on, to share with you how it is that Christ has fulfilled all prophesy, has forgiven all sins through His own death, and has redeemed the whole world.

You know how our Lord agonized. Before His death He prayed, “Father, take this from Me, if it be Your will.” But it was not His will, as oftentimes life holds such suffering and, as confusing and troubling as it is, it is good to thank God for the sufferings that you endure. For God, He can make beauty out of all things, and cause great change, and great fervor in a heart that was once cold. Our Lord, He agonized, suffered, and this took place that those who have sinned in the mind might receive forgiveness and salvation. His agony, His mental anguish, forgave those poor souls who do in their mind turn from God, who seek their own will, who do not do as God has done, our Lord and our Master, and say, “Father, Your will be done and not Mine.” It is all right to pray that your sufferings might be taken from you. It is good, for our Father has spoken, our Lord has spoken. “Ask! Seek!” Our God, He is ready and willing to give to us all that we need, but you must always pray that His will would become yours, as our Lord did in His time of anguish.

You have reflected also on His scourging, when His flesh was striped and He suffered so tremendously, that salvation might come to those who sin in the body. My little ones, His blood redeemed the whole of the world. Through His sufferings, those who are trapped are freed! This fulfilled the prophesies. This, the shedding of His blood, this lamb that was led to the slaughter, it was as our forefathers had said it would be. And in His anguish and in His suffering, our Lord had only love in His heart for those who would come to see the face of God through the conversions possible through grace, great grace, that our Lord merited through His suffering, that our Lord gave to the whole world as a beautiful gift. There were no people, no people there who could do what He did. There was no one there to shed holy blood! And so, our Lord, He came to touch, and to heal, and to love, and to die, that we would die no more, but live always.

Our Lord was humiliated, and stripped, and crowned with thorns. And through this humiliation, salvation was gained for those whose pride, and arrogance, and lack of humility has led them wayward. Our Lord, He was born in a humble place, a place where animals fed, in the dark, with no heat and no light, save for the stars and the moon that shown above. He lived with a mother and a father. He learned a trade, as all Jewish boys did then. He was schooled. He lived a humble life to teach us humility. This humiliation, this terrible cruelty He suffered at this time, was the ultimate lesson in being humble before God. For God, He loves a humble heart, a heart without pride, and arrogance, and disobedience, but ready to embrace all that God gives for His glory alone.

Our Lord was taken and given a cross of wood, and made to carry that cross. With this tree upon His back, He walked and made the journey to the place of His execution. Three times He fell, and continued on. This act of such love made possible the salvation of those who do not believe, who refuse to walk the way of God, who will not take up their cross and follow the Lord to Golgotha, but for one or two moments in their life, when they are given the grace to see the truth and they pray, “Please, Father, do not reject me! Though I have lived my life as a sinner, accept me! Though I have not walked the road to life, change me!” I assure you, any man who speaks such words, even in the last moment of his life, will know salvation because our Lord walked this most painful journey for each one of us.

Finally, He was hung from that tree, and His side was lanced, and His heart pierced, as His blood once again was shed upon the earth. In this action, salvation was gained for those who sin in the heart, who do not desire to love God or their neighbor, for those who do not act with love. This is a great sin that prevails in the world today, lack of love. This is a primary sin, for when you do not love yourself, your God, and your neighbor as you should, it is easy to become prideful and disobedient, selfish, lukewarm, or cold in faith, undisciplined. Lack of love, it is a great sin against the very Spirit of God Who is love! To refuse to love is to refuse God. It is a most private sin, a sin of the heart. It is the sin that Christ, He took upon Himself in the piercing of His own heart.

My brothers and sisters, the story of Christ’s passion is not one of sole suffering, and death, and tragedy. For you do recall that with the blood, water- renewing, purifying water- flowed, came forth, that we might be baptized in it into life. Through the water and the blood that poured forth from His side, our Christ gave to us the great gift of salvation and renewal. Truly, this is what life must be: to accept God, to be baptized into His life, to receive salvation through His blood. It is the greatest gift that God has given to us. But on our journey, when we like Christ, fall and stumble, and perhaps we even walk wayward, when we come to know that we have gone far from God Who seeks us out with such fervency that no father could ever seek a son more diligently, when we come to see how we have fallen, there is water to purify, to renew, to give new life.

We must seek resolution and peace in our lives. Peace is so sorely needed today. Make peace with God. He has come to you in so many ways, reached out to you, called to you. He has instituted for you His sacraments, His holy body and blood, that He sheds for you again on your altars, His forgiveness and reconciliation, the renewal of the water, the new life of the Spirit, His church to guide and direct you, and your brothers and sisters to strengthen you in your faith and walk with you on your journey, whether it be a time when you are strong in God, or feel wayward. Rely on one another. Help one another. Know that we who are in Heaven do pray for you. Pray for one another and for those who are in Purgatory.

The Church, the Body of Christ, beckons to you as Christ Himself called each one of us, His disciples, from lowly places. Our God has purpose and reason. Such great reason, you cannot even imagine! As He called to me, and renewed me, and gave me new life, He beckons to you, that He would do the same for you. He seeks you. Find Him and answer Him! Ask for His peace and His love. And each time you fall away, each time, flee to Him! Run to Him, for He will deliver you. He will caress you as a father loves his son. You will know peace and joy when you are with Him.

I thank you for having heard me this day, and I do ask that you reflect on what I have said, and do remember that God seeks you out, desires you, to share in His glory. Do not turn from Him, but accept Him with the fullness of your hearts, that you might know perfect joy.

Mary:

My dear little ones, again I thank you for your prayers, and I do wish to offer to you my motherly blessing. Know peace in your lives and joy in your hearts, in God. Continue to pray. Pray always for my priests and young people, those who are in Purgatory, and those who do not yet know my Son as their Lord. Continue to pray that the world may be renewed in God’s love. I bless you in His name, the name of the Father, and Son, and Spirit on high. Be at peace. May Christ always be with you.

St. Mary Magdalene

August 24, 1998

Carolyn:

The Blessed Mother is wearing a white gown that is quite beautiful. She also has a white mantle. Along the bottom of the gown and along the sides of the mantle is a tiny gold trim. She has a gold crown on her head. Her eyes are looking toward Heaven, and her hands are folded in prayer. There is a coral-colored rosary with a gold crucifix draped over her hand.

St. Mary Magdalene is standing near the Blessed Mother. She appears quite young, just as the Blessed Mother does. She is wearing a gray gown and a deep blue mantle. She has long, very thick, black hair. It is pulled back and held by a pin. She is looking toward the Blessed Mother. Near their feet are flowers and there is a small tin bowl near the feet of St. Mary Magdalene.

Mary:

My dear little children, how good it is for me to be with you in this way this evening. I come to you tonight as Queen of the Hearts of All Mankind. As my Son has given you to me to be my children from His cross, I am with you as your mother. I am so pleased that so many have come to receive this grace from God, Who gives it to you out of love of you. Do thank Him and praise Him for this glorious opportunity to truly know Him through those who have loved Him and served Him in their own lives.

During this past year, so many of you have been so faithful in living the messages that these children of God have brought to you. And it is this devotion, the graces that have come forth through this gift, that has made such things as this possible. Our God is so good. He desires to multiply grace, multiply gifts. It is for this reason that I ask you to continue to pray that He will bless the world, and all of His children, with His goodness and mercy forever.

My dear ones, truly, I love you and I invite you tonight to share in the mystery of our God’s, our beloved Lord’s, gift of Himself. In His crucifixion, death, and resurrection, in His glorious ascension to the right hand of the Father, He has made possible a wonderful reconciliation for us with God, a beautiful salvation, the great gift of conversion, a gift that would not be possible were it not for reconciliation, merited for you by the Christ. Be grateful. See how God loves you! I bless you in His name, my little ones.

Mary Magdalene:

Servants of God, I greet you in His name, in the name of the Father Who has loved us, and the Son Who is our redeemer, and the Spirit Who dwells among us. I have much to tell you, but first I wish to tell you that God is with you, that you receive such blessings as the world has never known. I too was blessed in my life, and I will tell you a bit of myself. I scarcely remember the time before I served our Lord. Were it not for this beautiful opportunity to teach, and to share, and to bring a sense of unity to His people here on earth through this gift, I would not speak of it, for it pains my heart to remember those days.

A young girl, I was orphaned very young. The same illness that claimed my parents afflicted me for many years. I knew nothing of God, of this Yahweh, and I lived a life that was not befitting a servant of His. From an age of fourteen years, I lived here or there or another place, without the guidance that a father and mother would teach me, and so fell into many things, many wayward things.

I befriended a woman in one place which is most dear to my heart now. This woman would come to be a dear friend, and the person who I loved most on earth. Why God allowed me even to be in her presence I know not, for she was His mother, and a righteous woman. I did not know this at the time, nor did I know her well enough to see her virtues. She simply lived near me and spoke kindly to me when many others would not.

She had a son. He had grown up as a carpenter, as an apprentice of His father. And He went out and worked such miracles, and did such things that all of those who were in His presence could say nothing more than that He was the Son, the Messiah, the Promised One. And so, from the very beginning, this man had many followers, and many who hated Him.

Sometimes I would go, and I would sit in the fields where He taught, and I would listen. And the things that He said, I could not, I could not comprehend,

“Love your neighbors and your enemies and those who hurt you.” I was to love those who threw stones and sticks at me and taunted me? How could I do this?

“Love God with all of your heart and soul and mind.” I did not even know Him. I could not love Him.

“Be kind to the poor. Be generous with what you have.” I had nothing to give. I scarcely could keep myself alive.

“Go out among the sick, the uneducated, and teach and heal through a ministry of love.” Who was I to presume to know anything of this?

But still, I listened. And each day, I came and I heard, and I listened, and I saw that there were those who were so dear to Him, brothers who traveled with Him, and I befriended them as well. But still, I suffered from great illness of both body and soul and, as much as I tried, I could not free myself from such affliction.

And then came a day when I found myself face to face with Him, He Whom I had watched from afar for so very long, my heart aching to do as He said and my mind knowing that I could not, that I was not able, that I did not have the will to do so, that I would not. And in an instant, this man of such mercy and such goodness made real what He had taught to me, and freed me from that which had suffocated me for so very long, that which had drawn the very life from my soul, that which had weakened my body and my will to be with God. And through His goodness and mercy, my body and soul were healed, and I was renewed.

I began to think again about my decision not to do as He taught, about my decision not to try. Whether I was able or not, I knew not, but I… I would try. At the very least I owed Him this. I knew not whether I could be a worthy servant to the Messiah, the Master, the Teacher, but from that moment on, I decided that is what I would do each day. And I was so privileged, so blessed with the opportunity to come to know Him and His mother so intimately, and oftentimes, He spoke so casual to me I could scarcely believe that it was the Lord who looked at me through His eyes.

“Mary,” He would say to me. And I would go to Him with all of my troubles and all of my concerns. And each time I was tempted, and each time I fought against the darkness that had consumed me, I ran to Him. “Mary.” He spoke only that, and I was renewed, and I was strengthened, and had the courage to go on again. But it was not easy. When one lives life in a certain manner, miracles performed even by the Son of Man do not change that human nature that draws one back into that which made them prisoner. And so, I fought hard against my own self, and my prayer each day was, “Lord, save me from myself! Save me from myself!”

I do believe that the Lord heard and had mercy on me, for the more I prayed, the more He changed my heart, and the less I needed to say such words. For I found that it was not a prayer of desperation any longer, but a prayer of hope,

“Lord, save me from myself, that I might be only what you would have me be, that you alone might dwell within me, and make me pure, and make me good, and all those things that my heart longs to be, but I cannot be alone!”

This is what the teacher gave to me, the gift of prayer, of a second try, and a third, and a fourth, and a fifth, and a sixth, and a ten thousandth! It is never easy, is it?

Those who followed Him, the men who were with Him, were so good. Though I’m sure that they too struggled as I struggled, as all men struggle, they tried so desperately to do all that the Master had commanded, to love one another and be patient, and be kind and generous, and gentle and humble, and there was so much to learn, and how difficult it was! They were a constant source of hope and joy for me, since I believed that if these fishermen, and tax collector, and poor men, with wives and children that bickered and squabbled just as any other family, could do such great things, and go with this savior to heal the sick, to cure those whose souls were as mine once was, then truly, with the help of God, I could do the same.

But it was His mother, His gentle mother, who was most important to me. Oftentimes I would sit, and I would watch her with Him. I do believe there was never a more perfect mother upon this earth than she. And sometimes, I wondered what it would be like to be her, to be so blessed by God and so favored by God that He would plant the seed of Himself within you. What, what an unimaginable thing! And it was so frightening!

Her manner was so gentle. She was never harsh. She was patient always, for just as there were many, many who came to her Son requesting that He pray, save, heal them, so too many came to her believing, I suppose, that if they could not reach Him, she must be able to do the same for them. Never did she do anything more but invite them in, and serve them, and talk to them of God and His goodness, and speak to them that which had been written so long ago, that which we held so dear in His Word, and spoke to them of the Prophets and of the hope that was promised there. And strangely, many who left her presence, though they were not healed of their afflictions, though perhaps they may have returned to their old ways of life, they came away with such a peace, such a joy, I cannot explain it.

I tried so very hard to be as she was and, let me tell you now, I was not! But I learned a great deal from her, especially in the time of her greatest trial, in a place that I was not worthy to be in, but that for some reason, whether it was only to be a witness to it that I might come and speak of it to you, God placed me there- at the foot of His cross. This is where I learned most of what it is to love and serve God. On that day, I followed our Lord as He bore a tree upon His back through the streets. And His mother was there also. I wept many, many tears, for He was so dear to me as a Lord, as a teacher, and as a friend and brother. And I was so afraid as I’ve never been afraid in my life. And in that time when I could find no comfort and no solace, she, she was so peaceful that it seemed horrible. She did not scream out as I did. She did not run and flee as I often turned to do, but she walked in silence, as near to her Son as she could be. And what a perfect, perfect trust in God she had, that she did not even cry out, for she knew that come what may, God was being served, and that was what she, and I, and her Son, and all on earth must do.

I was there when He spoke His last. There too, when His body was taken from that cross. This was the most difficult moment in my life, the time when the demons that had imprisoned me came back to me again and tempted me, “Mary, your Lord, your savior, your teacher, your God is dead!”

What should I do? I could not stay and stand with His brother and His mother who were so trusting in God when I had such anger inside me! And I could not go, for where would I go and what would I do, but go back to that which I hated? So, I did what my fear of loneliness alone had me do. I remained, though I never in my life was more tempted than at that moment, when all hope seemed to be gone, and there was nothing to comfort those who needed Him so much.

Trying my very best to be as His mother was, I put upon myself a brave face, though it was such a falsehood, for I was so torn within myself. And I left, once His body was laid in the tomb, to go. What a painful time it was for all of us, and we found joy and comfort only in each other. I do believe that all of us, those who traveled with Him, those whom He had commissioned to go out and to teach, to make disciples of all nations, those who would later be such great fathers of the church, they who were my company that night, we sat in dumbfounded angst. Still, His mother, so peaceful, so sad, but so peaceful. So firmly resolved to do what God had ordained from the beginning of time. She was our hope.

The time came when the Master’s body was to be anointed. And I went, carrying with me nothing worthy to anoint our Lord, but the finest balm that I could possibly get, that I could possibly find. I searched and I despaired. What do you give to the Lord? How can you . . . my mind still swims! The Gospels that you have, that witness given to you by the command of the Lord Himself, tell you of what great grace I received. A man approached, “Woman, why do you weep?”

What? What words? What words at that moment! If I should have attempted to answer in the fullest truth, perhaps I would have said, “Because I am nothing, and I know nothing, and I can do nothing, and there is nothing for me anymore, and I am so alone!”

“Mary.” It was our Lord! Hope reborn! And I ran to tell those who loved Him, He was alive in the time when we thought He was so far from us!

It is the same for you. In the times when you find yourself so far from Him, He is alive in your life, and real, and present. When you find yourselves in your churches and you are distracted by the things of life, as all of us are, He is there. When in your homes, and in your families, and caring for your children, and loving your spouses, and serving your families, He is there. In your work and in your prayer, He is there. Our Lord had never left us! Though His body was broken and His soul left Him, He was there!

Truly I tell you, if the Lord should see it fit to bless someone as myself with such a gift, you need never feel unworthy of His grace. For as He has taught, He came among His people not to save those who were well, but to find the lost, to heal the broken, to save the weak and the sinful. You must not feel that you cannot go to Him with all things, and throw yourself before His cross and beg His forgiveness, for truly I tell you, it is yours before you have even asked. Our God is so grand, He reads your hearts as you read words upon a page. He knows you better than you could know yourself in a thousand years of knowledge. Desire Him. Seek Him out in the sacraments He has given to you, in the prayers He has offered to you, in the gifts and the blessings He has given to you out of His mercy and true desire to have you with Him, as it was always, always meant to be.

After our Lord departed from us and went to the Father, those who had followed and loved Him, who were so weak, were strengthened by His Spirit. They went out, each of them, to all corners of the earth, and taught many things, and brought the Christ, brought that Christ that had dwelled with us, and ate with us, to the hearts of a thousand men. I remained with His mother and cared for her. And I did not do anything great in my life. I did not follow Peter and John, and go out and teach, and lead, and found churches, but I cared for His mother, which was the only thing I thought I could do, and what I truly believe the teacher would have asked me to do. This is all I did. Until an old woman, when He called me home to Him, I did nothing more than that each day, serving those whom He placed in my life, and running to Him when I found that hated darkness consuming me again.

You must do the same. God does not call all of His children to found churches and be priests, to religious life. He calls many of them to be mothers and fathers, teachers, healers, friends. In these things, do serve Him in all ways. Offer up all that you do for Him. There are many who seek out meaning in this life, who like me were lost, and see no hope, and ask, “What? Why?” This is something that I did learn:

“What?” The answer to “what” is the love of God.

“Why?” Because He wants us with Him, and will go to the ends of the earth to find us.

Hear Him, and answer Him, and follow Him, as I followed our Lord to His death, that just as He entered into the kingdom of God, that door might be open for you. It is this simple. Serve Him in all that you do. Offer all things to Him, your weaknesses and your strengths, your failings and your successes. Give it all to our Lord, and He will bless you and heal your bodies, and your souls, and your minds, and truly bring you home to Him as He has brought me home.

Children of God, thank Him, love Him, and serve Him through one another. I look to the day with joy when I can meet you here, for truly, truly, you are blessed and loved! Do remember what I have told you, for so many wander in such darkness, lacking such wisdom as this, this wisdom I only learned through what God had given me. Do remember.

Mary:

My dear children, I wish to remind you that ever I am with you, that I pray for your intentions, and I do wish to thank you for praying for those things that rest heavily on my heart. Continue to pray, my little ones, that all of my children will come to know the Christ, that all of my children would receive the strength through the Holy Spirit to be of strong faith and strong heart, that those who are in Purgatory might have relief and joy in the Father’s kingdom, and that those who come to serve the Lord through all vocations in life would find peace and joy and a great desire to do the will of God. I do bless you in the name of the Father, and Son, and Spirit on high, and again I thank you for responding in such great numbers to such a grace.